LABOUR was dealt a blow today as two senior party figures claimed Gordon Brown was still prime minister.

THE Conservatives have pledged to bring in a new law guaranteeing the right to kill poor people, foreigners and socialists.

GORDON Brown's plan for a class war against the Conservatives was in tatters last night after it emerged that one of his MPs is named Quentin.

THE Conservative Party last night offered to buy chancellor Alistair Darling the home of his dreams.

GORDON Brown today pledged to cut Britain's deficit with a radical package of outright lies.

MOST of the people who went to Eton are much, much better educated than most of the people who went to school in Kirkcaldy, experts said last night.

THE Queen's speech will today outline plans for a minimum guaranteed penis size for everyone over the age of 21 and universal access to free chocolate custard.

GORDON Brown's admission that he does not have any money has raised suspicions the prime minister may not be very good when it comes to matters of finance.