CAROL Vorderman is to head a Conservative Party taskforce to help people work out if debt consolidation loans are really such a good idea after all.

THE government has written to the International Monetary Fund to ask it what its fucking problem is.

GORDON Brown yesterday said he warned of the financial crisis 10 years ago but did nothing to stop it because, quite frankly, he wants us all dead.

THE Labour Party was embroiled in controversy last night after another four of its politicians did absolutely nothing wrong.

GORDON Brown is today hosting a high-level summit to discuss radical new measures aimed at helping him keep his job.

HOUSE of Commons Speaker Michael Martin made a statement on the arrest of Tory MP Damien Green yesterday, but no-one is entirely sure what he said.

DAVID Cameron has become the latest Tory to receive a sound beating at the hands of the police.

CHANCELLOR Alistair has a secret plan to keep buggering about with the British economy until he finds something that works, it was revealed last night.