ROWERS from Oxford University will get to choose the next prime minister after winning a boat race.
THE UK will celebrate independence from the EU by repealing all European laws and replacing them with unchanged, but British, ones.
THE prime minister has taken a moment to remember the last time she gave a direct answer to a question, back in 1996.
AN incredibly drunk Nick Clegg has been swearing violently at a pigeon in central London.
SCOTLAND wants independence in a way that is nationalistic rather than patriotic, according to the government.
THE entire population of the UK must spend the next two years with their government-assigned Brexit Buddy.
AS prime minister and leader of your country, I have just done something which will have consequences completely unknown to me.
THE exact opposite of anything Theresa May says is correct, concerned Britons have realised.
- Jubilant Brexiters shitting themselves
- Tories broke election spending laws to promote candidates who are just shit
- Jim Davidson winning Celebrity Big Brother was first sign of rise in neo-fascism, say experts
- Angry queue forms behind Corbyn in canteen as he dithers over pasta bake
- I'm not particularly good with numbers, admits Chancellor of the Exchequer