Politics

Boris's butler pulling the strings

BORIS Johnson's highly capable manservant Hardwicke has advised him to stand as an MP.

Cameron’s next Muslim woman to be more stereotypical

THE next Muslim woman appointed to the government will wear the veil and walk four steps behind the prime minister.

Salmond advised against micro-kilt

ALEX Salmond's advisors are split on how much thigh he should reveal for Tuesday's televised debate.

Cameron announces tough sanctions against London

THE prime minister is to impose sanctions on Russia's wealthiest city, London.

Miliband to show Obama his 2000AD collection

ED Miliband is planning to show Barack Obama his collection of 2000AD comics, many with free gifts still on the cover.

The Mash guide to the cabinet reshuffle

IT’S the reshuffle everyone’s talking about, if you ignore the overwhelming majority of conversations.

Gove to spend days using internet in library

MICHAEL Gove is to spend his days in his local library, using the internet in a furtive manner.

Celebrities avoided giving cash to Tories

MILLIONAIRES who tried to avoid donating to the Conservative party are to be hit with punitive tax bills.