AN emotional speech confirming Steven Gerrard's retirement from England duty has been marred by loud praise from Frank Lampard.
GERRY McIlroy has bet the money he won on his son's Open victory on him never winning a major ever again.
ARSENAL midfielder Mesut Ozil has not yet been able to touch the World Cup.
MANCHESTER United's new boss Louis van Gaal has slammed the quality of the booze left behind by Sir Alex Ferguson.
WINNING at football requires eleven good players, experts have confirmed.
FOOTBALL fans and pundits have expressed relief that World Cup discussion can focus on joyless efficiency.
BEING beaten by Britain in a military conflict is the secret to winning the World Cup, it has been claimed.
CYCLIST Chris Froome has been turned off, left for 30 seconds and turned back on again.