Sport

‘Wenger’ becomes a verb

TO go out shopping and return home empty handed is now described as to ‘Wenger’.

Men getting ready to pretend they understand rugby

MEN across Britain are training hard so as not to appear totally baffled by the Rugby World Cup.

Brian Sewell's transfer window round-up

Of all the painters with 'van' in their name, the most gifted is unquestionably Van Morrison.

FA to remove stigma of being offside

FOOTBALLERS are being encouraged to open up about being offside.

John Terry's ego humanely destroyed

JOHN Terry's ego has been hauled out to sea to be broken up.

Non-League football best place to meet women

SINGLE women are flocking to non-League football matches in the hope of hooking up with middle-aged men in cagoules.

Fans extrapolate whole season from first game

FOOTBALL fans have decided exactly how everything in their lives will develop over the next nine months.

Trent Bridge wicket has 'miracle healing properties'

ENGLAND cricket fans spent yesterday evening wandering around Nottingham in a daze.