Sport

Leicester City reinforces suspension on bandwagon

LEICESTER City FC has carried out emergency works on its bandwagon following an unprecedented number of passengers.

Liverpool fan has only just realised it was 2-2

A LIVERPOOL fan who joined the Anfield ticket prices walkout has just realised that Sunderland scored twice in the last ten minutes.

Memphis Ocelots win Superbowl by eight seconds

AMERICA celebrated last night as the Memphis Ocelots beat the Las Vegas Assholes in Superbowl 50.

Six Nations to fill pubs with higher class of git

THE start of rugby’s Six Nations will see England’s pubs upgrade to a higher class of loud, annoying men.

Naturalists observe annual phenomenon of Arsenal shedding spine

NATURE experts have flocked to the Emirates stadium to observe the extraordinary spectacle of Arsenal FC shedding its backbone.

Man leaves wife and children for Jamie Vardy's goal

A 31-YEAR-OLD has left his wife and two children to spend his life with Jamie Vardy's goal against Liverpool.

Pep Guardiola assigns positions to everyone in Manchester

NEW Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola has announced the positions that all 514,000 of the city's residents must stay in throughout his reign.

Van Gaal managing United as community service

LOUIS Van Gaal cannot leave United until he has completed his 380 hours of community service, it has emerged.