FABIO Capello was in buoyant mood last night after England were drawn against the mythical land of Narnia in the 2012 European qualifiers.
FOOTBALL manager and brothel enthusiast Avram Grant has the world's finest wife, according to a new survey.
FINANCE giants the You Corporation have reported brisk trading at a new business offering guaranteed cash in exchange for unwanted football teams.
JOHN Terry's future as England captain was on a knife-edge last night after it emerged he had sex with a 12-foot octopus.
STEVEN Gerrard feels his living situation is heading in the right direction after his house finally stopped burning to the ground.
THE ruthless death squads that roam the rubbish heaps of Manchester are not as good as the ones in Brazil, Man City striker Robinho said last night.
CARLOS Tevez was rewarded for his two goals against Manchester United last night with an entire deer carcass all to himself.
SIR ALEX Ferguson has ordered all the mirrors to be removed from Old Trafford following a blazing row with his own reflection.
SOL Campbell has returned to Arsenal for a bit of peace and quiet, his agent said last night.
Sport
FABIO Capello was in buoyant mood last night after England were drawn against the mythical land of Narnia in the 2012 European qualifiers.
FOOTBALL manager and brothel enthusiast Avram Grant has the world's finest wife, according to a new survey.
FINANCE giants the You Corporation have reported brisk trading at a new business offering guaranteed cash in exchange for unwanted football teams.
STEVEN Gerrard feels his living situation is heading in the right direction after his house finally stopped burning to the ground. 
THE ruthless death squads that roam the rubbish heaps of Manchester are not as good as the ones in Brazil, Man City striker Robinho said last night.
CARLOS Tevez was rewarded for his two goals against Manchester United last night with an entire deer carcass all to himself.
SIR ALEX Ferguson has ordered all the mirrors to be removed from Old Trafford following a blazing row with his own reflection.
SOL Campbell has returned to Arsenal for a bit of peace and quiet, his agent said last night.