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CAPELLO OPTIMISTIC AS ENGLAND DRAW NARNIA
08-02-10

ImageFABIO Capello was in buoyant mood last night after England were drawn against the mythical land of Narnia in the 2012 European qualifiers.

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AVRAM GRANT CONGRATULATED ON FANTASTIC WIFE
05-02-10

ImageFOOTBALL manager and brothel enthusiast Avram Grant has the world's finest wife, according to a new survey.

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BRISK START FOR WEBUYANYFOOTBALLCLUB.COM
01-02-10

ImageFINANCE giants the You Corporation have reported brisk trading at a new business offering guaranteed cash in exchange for unwanted football teams.

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JOHN TERRY HAD SEX WITH AN OCTOPUS
01-02-10

ImageJOHN Terry's future as England captain was on a knife-edge last night after it emerged he had sex with a 12-foot octopus.

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GERRARD HAILS PROGRESS AS HOUSE BURNS TO GROUND
28-01-10

ImageSTEVEN Gerrard feels his living situation is heading in the right direction after his house finally stopped burning to the ground.

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BRAZIL HAS BETTER CLASS OF RUBBISH HEAP DEATH SQUAD, SAYS HOMESICK ROBINHO
25-01-10

ImageTHE ruthless death squads that roam the rubbish heaps of Manchester are not as good as the ones in Brazil, Man City striker Robinho said last night.

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TEVEZ REWARDED WITH ENTIRE DEER CARCASS
20-01-10

ImageCARLOS Tevez was rewarded for his two goals against Manchester United last night with an entire deer carcass all to himself.

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FERGUSON IN FURIOUS ROW WITH OWN REFLECTION
18-01-10

ImageSIR ALEX Ferguson has ordered all the mirrors to be removed from Old Trafford following a blazing row with his own reflection.

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CAMPBELL MOVES TO ARSENAL FOR THE PEACE AND QUIET
14-01-10

ImageSOL Campbell has returned to Arsenal for a bit of peace and quiet, his agent said last night.

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