Sport
Welsh Team Signs Truculent Midget
CRAIG Bellamy has completed his loan move from Man City to Cardiff after tests confirmed him to be the Welshest man on the planet.
West Brom To Reform As Jazz Band
WEST Bromwich Albion have abandoned football and are to regroup as a Dixieland jazz band.
Bring On Burundi! Roars Capello
ENGLAND manager Fabio Capello feels England could soon compete against the likes of Burundi or even Burkino Faso following last night's demolition of Hungary.
O'Neill Quits Villa As Chairman Signs Subbuteo Figures
MARTIN O'Neill has quit as manager of Aston Villa after being asked to mould a trophy winning team out of tiny plastic figures who have to be flicked around the pitch.
Football Teams Renew Made-Up Hostilities
MANCHESTER United and Chelsea have successfully relaunched their totally fictitious rivalry.
We Execute Thieves, China Warns Liverpool
THE Chinese government has warned the people of Liverpool that it will not tolerate the theft of its property once it buys the local football club.
Murray Fires Racket
ANDY Murray has announced that he will no longer be using a racket during tennis matches.
Ferrari Employ Regency Gentlemen
CAR-pointing experts Ferrari have caused uproar by replacing their driving team with two excessively polite gentlemen from the 1820s.
Hodgson Mistakes Cole For Grandson
LIVERPOOL boss Roy Hodgson has unsettled new signing Joe Cole by repeatedly asking whether he's Sylvia or Enid's lad.
