The Daily Mash

Sport

OSAMA Bin Laden's deputy has condemned the award of a knighthood to Shredded Wheat legend Sir Ian Botham.
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WIMBLEDON TO PLAY SEVERAL MATCHES ON SAME COURT TO CLEAR BACKLOG

WIMBLEDON is to start playing up to three matches on the same court at the same time in a bid to clear the backlog caused by the bad weather.
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WIMBLEDON TO BAN FISTING

OFFICIALS at Wimbledon are to outlaw the practice of 'fisting' during matches in a move to clean up the increasingly offensive world of international tennis.

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Opinion

'I WAS THERE'

Christopher Walken remembers the 1982 World Snooker Championships DIDDLY-dee! diddily-dee! That’s the sound the wheels on a train make – diddly-dee! diddly-dee! I hate that noise, I hate it almost as much as I do Adam Sandler movies, so I pulled the emergency chord above my head, bringing the 12.57 from King’s Cross to Sheffield, shuddering to a halt.
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