Thousands sigh before reluctantly picking a Fantasy Football team

BRITONS have lethargically picked the Fantasy Football team that will keep them entertained for a fortnight before being forgotten about.

World beginning to realise that sport is evil

SPORT is an entirely negative influence on humanity, it has been confirmed.

England fans to stay at Edgbaston and get shitfaced

EDGBASTON will stay open until 7pm today so England cricket fans can get mortal.

Mourinho's fat jibes 'must be part of a sophisticated mind game'

CHELSEA manager Jose Mourinho's intricate, enigmatic mind games moved up another level when he called Rafa Benitez fat yesterday.

Kids playing football in park offer Ramos deal

SOME children in a park have offered to take Sergio Ramos, if Real Madrid agrees to take a chunky boy in wellies and Dean’s little brother who’s got asthma.

Champagne renowned for its urine-like flavour, French tell Froome

TOUR de France winner Chris Froome has been surprised by how much champagne tastes like urine.

Chunky, middle-aged Sunday League players now worth £750,000

INFLATED Premier League transfer fees have boosted the average pub team player’s value to three-quarters of a million pounds.

Fifa to monetize hooliganism

FOOTBALL violence has been repackaged by Fifa as an essential part of the game that fans must pay for, it has emerged.