Sport

Gerrard suffers 16 years of self awareness overnight

STEVEN Gerrard is catatonic after realising what he has done with his life since 1998.

Steven Gerrard to end Liverpool career by destroying stadium

LIVERPOOL captain Steven Gerrard has promised to end his final game at Anfield by razing the stadium to the ground.

England cricket team decides against picking only one who can hit the ball

ENGLAND’S cricket team is refusing to call upon Kevin Pietersen despite his ability to hit the ball.

Ipswich fan crashed Lamborghini into Tate Britain while celebrating goal

IPSWICH Town winger Paul Anderson is under pressure to pay for goal celebration damage running into hundreds of millions.

Wigan relegated despite being unpleasant

THE failure of a horrible manager and offensive chairman to achieve success turns conventional football wisdom upside down, say experts.

Brendan Rodgers sacks Liverpool FC

LIVERPOOL FC manager Brendan Rodgers has announced that he is sacking the club after yet another disappointing season.

Masochistic Watford fans eagerly anticipate season of intense thrashings

WATFORD supporters cannot wait to be treated like dirt by the giants of the Premier League.

Sherwood launches 'mind banter' campaign against Wenger

TIM Sherwood will forego traditional cup final 'mind games' in favour of subtly inferring that Arsene Wenger is unable to down a pint.