Sport

Mourinho to scatter beanbags on pitch

CHELSEA manager José Mourinho will place beanbags and scatter cushions on the pitch for Sunday's game against Liverpool.

Essex engage notorious bounder

ESSEX County Cricket Club have hoodwinked their rivals by engaging the services of rakish bon vivant Jesse Ryder, Esquire.

The Mash guide to the Man United shortlist

DAVID Moyes has gone, but who will replace him in the toughest job in the world of the football?

Man United sack Moyes back to the Stone Age

DAVID Moyes is being fired so hard he will have to take on two full-time jobs just to be unemployed.

Ferguson to auction skull collection

SIR Alex Ferguson is to auction off his extensive collection of human skulls.

Hansen predicts Premier League victors will be a football team

MATCH of the Day pundit Alan Hansen has insisted that a team will win the Premier League.

Manchester United fans can’t decide who they hate most

SUNDAY’S Liverpool-City game has Manchester United fans agonising about who they least want to win the title.

Green jacket yearning for a woman's touch

GOLF’S famous green jacket is absolutely desperate to feel the warmth of a woman’s body, it has emerged.