Sport

Andy Carroll has forgotten almost all the rules of football

WEST Ham striker Andy Carroll has returned from injury but has been asking teammates elementary questions about football.

Crowd greets record-breaking Rooney goal with open contempt

ENGLAND fans have celebrated Wayne Rooney's record-breaking 50th goal with chants explaining why it isn't a big deal.

Murray dangerously close to not having won Wimbledon

ANDY Murray is now just two early grand slam exits away from not winning Wimbledon in 2013.

Man suddenly seems to be Welsh

A MAN with no obvious signs of Welsh heritage has positioned a Welsh dragon cuddly toy on his desk, it has been noted.

‘Wenger’ becomes a verb

TO go out shopping and return home empty handed is now described as to ‘Wenger’.

Men getting ready to pretend they understand rugby

MEN across Britain are training hard so as not to appear totally baffled by the Rugby World Cup.

Brian Sewell's transfer window round-up

Of all the painters with 'van' in their name, the most gifted is unquestionably Van Morrison.

FA to remove stigma of being offside

FOOTBALLERS are being encouraged to open up about being offside.