Sport

Plucky England dreaming of draw against mighty Montenegro

ENGLAND'S raggle-taggle crew of enthusiastic amateur footballers believe they can hold the legendary Montenegro to a draw.

Jack Wilshere hailed as role model by kids who smoke

SMOKING kids believe they have finally found a role model in Arsenal midfielder Jack Wilshere.

Football 'originally played with a severed head'

A SEVERED head has been kicked around the Queen's lawn to celebrate 150 years of football.

New England letdown hero discovered

ENGLAND fans are celebrating a new hero who they can place all their hopes in before being painfully disappointed.

Joe Hart reconsiders pre-match greasing routine

MANCHESTER City goalkeeper Joe Hart is reconsidering his pre-game routine of greasing himself all over.

United fans enjoying novelty of detesting manager

FANS of Manchester United are delighted to be launching their first campaign to sack a manager in almost a quarter of a century.

Boat wins America's Cup

A MASSIVE boat has beaten a bunch of other boats to win the America's Cup.

Di Canio regains control of Sunderland in military coup

PAOLO Di Canio has declared himself Sunderland manager-for-life following a brutal coup.