ANDY Carroll will play for Liverpool against Newcastle this weekend in the hope it will trigger memories of his former behaviour.
GLENN Hoddle is planning to end his own life, ride the wheel of karma
and return to this world as the manager of the England football team.
CELTIC fans will replace sectarian chants with derogatory comments about furnishings at this weekend’s Old Firm derby.
BRITAIN'S Olympic team need have no fear of rampaging bulls, it has been confirmed.
WALES will use its Grand Slam victory as a spur to tackle its eternal adversary, fire.
CHELSEA will make an audacious bid to get relegated in an attempt to keep Fernando Torres on the scoresheet.
THE exit of Manchester from European competition has allowed for the removal of plastic sofa covers and the appearance of the good cutlery.
THE chairman of the premier league last night accused China of stealing
great British recipes like egg foo yung and Szechuan chicken.