Sport
Transfer window round-up, with Brian Sewell
JANUARY is traditionally the month in which my friends and I assess our
collections to see which pieces are surplus to requirement and arrange
an auction at the Garrick.
Andy Carroll listed on Ebay
LIVERPOOL has placed former striker Andy Carroll on the auction site Ebay with a reserve price of 99p.
Evra gets 24-hour protection from cheeky Scouse wit
PATRICE Evra has hired bodyguards to deal with loveable Liverpool rogues good-naturedly threatening to kill him.
Police investigate allegations of reasonable criticism
CHELSEA fans are being investigated after several were reportedly heard making balanced, cogent points about opposition players.
Critics disguised themselves as players, says Warnock
NEIL Warnock has blamed critics for his dismissal, claiming they posed as opposition footballers that kept beating his team.
Spurs fan to wake up in a damp bed
THE Tottenham Hotspur fan whose dream we are all part of will wake soon,
blinking this universe out of existence, experts have claimed.
Everyone to start supporting Barnet
FOOTBALL supporters are to switch their allegiance to a team whose scumbags they have never heard of.
Roundabout traffic flow to be reversed during Olympics
TRAFFIC flow on roundabouts will be switched to anti-clockwise for the
duration of the Olympics, the Government has announced.