Sport

De Niro admits he’s Ricky Hatton

ROBERT De Niro has been playing the fictional boxer Ricky Hatton for the last fifteen years.

Assange seeks asylum in Manchester United penalty box

WIKILEAKS founder Julian Assange has escaped the Ecuadorian Embassy, fleeing to the penalty box on the Old Trafford pitch.

Owen 'can't wait to find out who Stoke City are'

STOKE City's signing Michael Owen has said that his number one priority right now is to find Stoke on a map.

Wenger to sign 16-year-old manager

ARSENE Wenger has refused to sign a new long-term contract with Arsenal, insisting he can find a cheaper, younger version of himself.

Tennis not for 'poofs' after all, says Scotland

SCOTLAND has revised its opinion of whether tennis is for 'poofs', it has emerged.

Murray vows to drive the English out of Scotland

TENNIS champion Andy Murray plans is using his fame to unite Scotland against the English, it has emerged.

Hamilton torn over whose cars to crash

LEWIS Hamilton is facing a dilemma over which team's cars he is going to smash into a wall, it has emerged.

Nobody comes to see Hodgson any more

ENGLAND players are making increasingly-implausible excuses for not seeing Roy Hodgson at his FA retirement bungalow.