Sport

Ridiculing Arsenal to become a hate crime
ARSENAL are to be granted legal protection from the relentless taunts of opposing fans, it has been confirmed.

Spurs deny ability to field weakened side
SPURS boss Harry Redknapp has defended his team selection against Rubik Tonka, claiming his side are uniformly mediocre.

Rooney like Pele, but with prostitutes, says Ferguson
WAYNE Rooney is a white, prostitute-loving version of Pele, Sir Alex Ferguson has claimed.

Bid to keep rugby fans in New Zealand
THERE have been fresh calls to detain Britain's diehard rugby fans in New Zealand for the rest of their lives.

5000m triumph definitely wasn't worth all the pain, says Farah
BRITAIN'S 5000m world champion Mo Farah has admitted that in retrospect he wishes he hadn't bothered.

England to top international hype table
VICTORY over Wales tomorrow will see England confirmed as the team with the most unrealistic set of fans in the world.

Transfer deadline day, with Brian Sewell
AS everybody is surely aware, each February 20th is a dizzying whirl of excitement as the nation’s orchestras jostle to restock their ranks.

Compensation offer to bankrupt English football
ARSENAL fans being given their money back for a dreadful away performance could set a legal precedent that will instantly kill 98 percent of English football.