Sport

Goal-line technology to bring universal justice

NEW goal-line technology is to be used in everyday life to create a more just world.

Horse-catapulting placates Grand National crowd

THE organisers of the Grand National have catapulted a horse into the side of a building to compensate for this year's lack of fatalities.

Kim Jong Un to manage Carlisle United

CARLISLE United has installed North Korean tactical genius Kim Jong Un as manager.

Formula One launches race unfixing probe

F1 BOSSES have launched an investigation after a race somehow became unfixed.

Ferdinand in hair appointment clash

RIO Ferdinand has pulled out of the England squad after a hairdressing appointment mix-up.

Rugby 'victory' was planned to make Wales feel good about itself

ENGLAND deliberately lost the Six Nations to Wales as part of a plan to boost the smaller country's morale, it has emerged.

Next Reading boss to be abstract concept

THE shortlist for the new Reading manager includes ennui, empathy and a sense of unfulfillable longing.