Sport

Liverpool fans welcome return of utter hopelessness

SUPPORTERS have applauded Liverpool’s return to comedic woefulness following yesterday’s defeat at Hull.

Spurs to build on first 13 seconds

SPURS say they will take the positives from their unbeaten 13 seconds against Manchester City.

England collapse a relief, say fans

BEING good at cricket just felt dirty and sordid, England fans said this morning.

Vatican team qualifies for World Cup

THE national side of the Vatican, led by player-manager Pope Francis, has beaten Romania to win a place in the World Cup finals.

Olympic Stadium to be filled with soup

LONDON’S Olympic Stadium should be filled with soup to nourish the entire nation, it has been claimed.

Rugby beaten by football

RUGBY is to end after admitting defeat in the battle for ball game supremacy.

BT Sport aims to eradicate football

BT SPORT has bought the rights to the Champions League as part of a plan to eradicate football.

Manchester United to renew pact with Satan

THE Red Devils are to renew their longstanding commitment to Satan in a ceremony before their home game this Sunday.