CHELSEA midfielder Juan Mata has been sold to an eerie crewless ship.
A CONSORTIUM of United fans has bought a season ticket to throw onto the pitch in protest against David Moyes.
GARY Neville as been arrested for attempting to scale David Moyes's garden fence while carrying a gun.
FOOTBALL clubs are being advised to get their ill-advised transfer window panic buys in early before the rush.
DAVID Moyes has been advised by his predecessor to boost Manchester United's league position by getting more goals.
SAM Allardyce is losing £20,000 a day after spread betting on when he will get fired.
THE Football Supporters' Association has complained after a player made eye contact during a chant about his whore mother.
AS appalling England cricket coach Andy Flower vowed to stay on, the country will join forces to stop him reaching his office.