Sport

Murray to use shameless flirtation against Tsonga

ANDY Murray will deploy strategic gay come-ons to distract Jo Wilfried Tsonga at Wimbledon today, it has been claimed.

Rooney punches his horse

WAYNE Rooney has assaulted his own horse in a fit of jealous rage after it won a race.

Murray in danger of no longer being funny

ANDY Murray risks losing his status as a byword for risible mediocrity.

Spain show boring inability to be rubbish

EURO 2012 winners Spain have come under more fire for showing a reluctance to mix things up by being bad at football.

Rangers becomes a pub team

SCOTTISH football chiefs are forcing Rangers to start again as a pub team following their financial difficulties.

Nation cancels Monday

ENGLAND supporters have told Monday where it can stick it.

Pundit mouths monitored

SEPP Blatter has finally acknowledged that extra monitoring is needed to regulate what comes out of football commentator’s mouths.

Hodgson convinced England have won Euro 2012

ROY Hodgson has congratulated his side for winning Euro 2012 after misunderstanding how the tournament works.