Sport

Arsenal-United game to be five-a-side

INJURY-HIT Arsenal and Manchester United have agreed to field only five players each for tomorrow’s game.

All sport moved to desert

EVERY major sporting event will now take place under the blazing desert sun, it has been confirmed.

England team fired up for going home after Scotland game

THE England squad are single-mindedly focused on showering and getting home as soon as possible after tonight's match against Scotland.

FIFA isn’t corrupt, you are, says FIFA

AN 18-month investigation into FIFA corruption has found that football’s governing body has no issue with corruption but that you totally do.

Moyes’s CV does not mention Manchester United

DAVID Moyes did not reveal his former role at Manchester United to his new employers, it has emerged.

Rooney’s primary school teachers still scared of him

SEVERAL teachers remained in hiding when Wayne Rooney returned to visit his old primary school, it has emerged.

Roy Hodgson unhappy with severed limbs on Wembley pitch

ENGLAND manager Roy Hodgson has complained about the human body parts littering Wembley after yesterday's NFL game.

Getting into nightclub much more important than having a dance, says Rodgers

BRENDAN Rodgers queued for ages to get into a nightclub only to leave almost immediately, it has emerged.