Manchester United trying to instigate rivalry with Stockport

FOLLOWING defeat by Manchester City, United officials are attempting to stir up a bitter rivalry with Conference North side Stockport County.

Entire Chelsea crowd was reading sporting autobiographies

SATURDAYS Chelsea-QPR game was silent because fans were immersed in this years sporting memoirs, it has emerged.

Gerrard to take Liverpool fans with him

STEVEN Gerrard has told Liverpool FC he plans to leave the club and take its fanbase of 71 million with him.

Wenger 'did not see station'

PLANS to make Arsene Wenger the voice of the London Underground have foundered after he failed to get a clear view of a single stop.

Keane ‘may return to muttering threateningly at bus stops’

ROY Keane may go back to his previous role muttering threatening remarks at bus stops, it has emerged.

Balotelli was trying to infiltrate Real Madrid

MARIO Balotelli has explained he swapped shirts with Real Madrid at half-time to go undercover and win the game for Liverpool.

Man City struggled without familiar chorus of boos

MANCHESTER City captain Vincent Kompany has admitted his side was distracted against CSKA Moscow by the lack of abusive chanting.

Sunderland fans to have memories wiped

SUNDERLAND players have paid to have fans' memories of their defeat by Southampton surgically deleted.