Sport
Scottish premier league to award three points for murder
SCOTTISH football's premier league is to award three points for a successful bombing campaign.
Liverpool fans query own penalty
LIVERPOOL fans have appealed to have their own penalty goal overturned.
Giggs deserves knighthood for services to not behaving like a footballer
WAYNE Rooney has led calls for Ryan Giggs to be knighted for devoting 20 years to not behaving like a professional footballer.
Lehmann celebrates win by fighting alligator
MIGHTY goalkeeper Jens Lehmann has marked his return to English football by fighting an alligator in his Gothic mansion.
Tragedy as 21 year-old earns £78,000 for four days work
BRITAIN was inconsolable last night as a 21 year-old man was forced to
collect the best part of eighty grand for poking a stick around a field.
Footballers uncouth
SOME footballers are loutish individuals who swear in mixed company, it has emerged.
Work starts on Olympic Stadium excuses
SEBASTIAN Coe has launched the first tranche of excuses about why something in the Olympic Stadium doesn't work.
Religious bigots deny racism
SCOTTISH football fans have insisted their bigotry begins and ends with the precise manner in which someone worships Christ.