TWITTER has told the hundreds of professional footballers on the site to piss up a rope.
LANCE Armstrong has graduated from performance enhancing drugs to powerful hallucinogens, it has emerged.
ALL police leave has been cancelled this weekend ahead of mass demonstrations in support of Chelsea defender Ashley Cole.
ROY Hodgson has said sorry for claiming the world is not flat.
RYDER Cup hero Rory McIlroy was almost late for his match because he was in the middle of an intense, bathroom mirror psyche-up.
WORKPLACES have become far less tedious thanks to Ryder cup-related leave, it has emerged.
FOOTBALL fans have asked for guidance on what to call John Terry.
RYDER Cup golfers have been told to stop doing trash talk because it is pathetic.