Ronaldo to use solid gold ball for rest of season

CRISTIANO Ronaldo has pledged to take free-kicks with a solid gold ball.

Leeds United's Stephen Warnock wins Ballon d'Or

LEEDS United full-back Stephen Warnock has been awarded the Ballon d'Or.

LA Galaxy to create mini-Liverpool for Gerrard

AMERICAN soccer club LA Galaxy is to create a $12 million ‘Scouse-o-dome’ in the heart of California to make Steven Gerrard feel at home.

David Ospina found trapped behind transfer window

ARSENAL goalkeeper David Ospina was trapped for months behind the transfer window, it has emerged.

Gerrard to scurry around in America

STEVEN Gerrard has confirmed plans to take his scurrying skills to the US.

McCoist doomed to be Rangers manager for all eternity

AFTER unsuccessfully resigning, Ally McCoist has admitted that he has no idea how he can stop being Rangers manager.

Football reporting to be limited to upsets

THE media is to cease reporting football results that, like Chelsea beating Hull, are entirely expected by everyone.

Men desperate to appear knowledgeable about boxing

MILLIONS of men are making unconvincing attempts to show off their boxing knowledge.