Sport

This World Cup has nothing on 1954, say football hipsters

FOOTBALL hipsters have dismissed suggestions that the current World Cup is the greatest of all time, insisting that it is vastly inferior to Switzerland ’54.

Americans 'must be kept away from football'

THE international community is working to stop America getting into football and beating everyone.

Xenophobes tested by World Cup

LATTER stages of the World Cup have forced bigots to become more inventive in their national prejudices.

International conspiracy against Uruguay exposed

A DECADES-LONG conspiracy to discredit Uruguay and their star player Luis Suarez has been revealed.

Illogical optimism about Euro 2016 begins 

AFTER winning no games in the World Cup, hopes are high that England will win the European Championship in 2016.

England squad begins 10-year voyage home

ROY Hodgson and his England team have boarded their ship to begin their epic journey back to the UK.

It wasn’t as if Suarez bit a child, say experts

EXPERTS have stressed that Luis Suarez bit a large Italian footballer and not a tiny child.

Gerrard to consider his frowning future

STEVEN Gerrard is to make a decision on whether he wants to continue looking dejected.