Sport

Football fans face terrifying hours without football

WORRIED fans have been reassured that pre-season fixtures are already under way, saving them from interacting with any other aspect of society.

Wimbledon finished two days ago

THE Wimbledon Tennis Championship concluded on Wednesday but nobody noticed, officials have confirmed.

Sam Allardyce disqualified from England job by wanting it

SAM Allardyce has been ruled out as England manager because he would actually like to do the job, the FA has confirmed.

Plucky Wales reminds England they weren't even plucky

WALES’ plucky performance in the semi-final of Euro 16 has reminded England fans that their team was not even remotely plucky.

England footballers promise to come back even more terrified of failure

ENGLAND'S footballers have vowed to redouble their crippling performance anxiety as they look ahead to the World Cup in Russia.

'Welsh' fan miming very poorly to 'Land of My Fathers'

A MAN who has been keen to stress his 'Welshness' does not know a single word of the country’s national anthem, his friends have confirmed.

Andy Murray’s Wimbledon run solely to distract people at work

ANDY Murray continues his one-man campaign to make office life more bearable with an afternoon game against Jo-Wilfried Tsonga.

Welsh success based on plucky team spirit and being extremely good at football

WALES made it to the Euro 16 semi-finals because of a plucky underdog mentality and the fact they are very good footballers, experts have claimed.