Sport

Desperate media offers to go halfsies on any transfer fee

INCREASINGLY panicky sports editors have offered to stump up half the cost of any January football transfer deal.

Hipster trying to start conversation about Africa Cup of Nations

SELF-STYLED African football fan Tom Logan has annoyed work colleagues by repeatedly making references to Equatorial Guinea.

FA Cup giant-killings to be followed by Premier League dwarf-killings

FOLLOWING the weekend's giant-killing FA Cup wins, the Premier League has promised that next weekend's dwarf-crushings will continue as usual.

FA Cup romance turns to lust

THE FA plans to tone down the romance of the FA Cup after a fan broke into Wembley Stadium and made love to the trophy.

Berahino 'not for sale' except if money involved

SAIDO Berahino will not be leaving West Bromwich Albion under any circumstances except in exchange for a large sum of currency, it has been confirmed.

Mirallas unsuccessfully tries to park Baines’s car

EVERTON midfielder Kevin Mirallas has damaged team mate Leighton Baines’s car after deciding to park it for him.

PE lessons to focus on snooker and darts

SCHOOL sports lessons are to move away from more ‘physical’ activities to focus on darts and snooker.

World would be better place if we all watched snooker

LIFE on earth would be less violent if everyone just sat down and watched the snooker, it has emerged.