Sport
South Africa To Send Every Football Fan £200 And An Apology
AS spending on the World Cup spirals out of control, South Africa has decided to cancel the tournament and write every supporter a cheque instead.
Carling Cup Concluded Without Sexual Incident
MANCHESTER United and Aston Villa were congratulated yesterday after the Carling Cup final ended without any of the players having sex with something.
Wayne Bridge's World Cup Dream Ruined By John Terry's Penis
MANCHESTER City defender Wayne Bridge today admitted his World Cup dream had been destroyed by the penis of John Terry.
Fresh Delay To Rustenberg Sex Dungeon
BUILDERS working on England's World Cup base in South Africa have admitted the underground depravity cave may not be completed on schedule.
Britain Wearily Learns What Olympic Skeleton Is
OCCASIONAL sports fans have begrudgingly fired up Wikipedia in an attempt to understand exactly what Amy Williams won a medal for.
Woods 'Had Sex During Apology'
TIGER Woods had intercourse with up to five different women during his televised apology, it emerged last night.
Vieira Mistook Whelan For Nazi Soldier
PATRICK Vieira has defended his attack on Glenn Whelan by claiming he was in the middle of a Word War Two flashback.
Skrnsson Takes Gold In Uphill Nordic Skjord
FINLAND'S Rinsu Skrnsson defended his Olympic title in Vancouver last night, taking gold in the 2x4000 Uphill Nordic Skjord.