REAL Madrid manager Jose Mourinho has flown to England, unsettling every manager, player and chairman in the Premier League with a day of house-hunting and mysterious omens.
LIVERPOOL has once again made the League Cup Final look like the end of a damaging relationship.
CARETAKER England manager Stuart Pearce has picked a squad containing an unexpected variety of rubbish.
FRANK Warren is to charge home audiences £12 for all future boxing interviews.
CHELSEA manager Andre Villas-Boas has remained defiantly upbeat despite having his office moved into a modular building several miles from Stamford Bridge.
MYSTICAL striker Carlos Tevez has made a miraculous return to Manchester City claiming to be a more powerful incarnation of his former self.
BRITAIN'S Olympians say they are training as hard as they can, within reason.
MURDEROUS chant enabler Rangers last night pledged financial meltdown will not interfere with all the hating.