Beach volleyball abandoned after audience hears about the internet

THE Olympics' main titillation-fest was left deserted yesterday after rumours spread through the crowd of something called the internet, where girls are entirely naked.

Daley Thompson denies responsibility for broken joysticks

SPORTING legend Daley Thompson has rejected claims that he is personally responsible for millions of pounds-worth of broken 1980s computer hardware.

Manchester City makes £250 million bid for Arsenal's history

PREMIER League champions Manchester City have tabled an offer to buy up Arsenal's entire roll-call of honours for an estimated £250 million, plus Adam Johnson.

Bradley Wiggins tells the French to eat it

BRADLEY Wiggins cruised down the Champs Elysee to cycling victory, and the people of France just had to stand there and take it.

New Arsenal kit from Tesco

ARSENE Wenger has revealed Arsenal’s entire kit cost him just £200 from the Highbury branch of Tesco.

Footballers get ‘thinking’ coach

THE Football Association has appointed a coach to train players in basic brain use, including moral decisions.

Carroll could be released back into wild

ANDY Carroll may be allowed to roam free amongst his kind once more as Liverpool consider an offer for his rehoming.

Bradley Wiggins targeted by Wile E Coyote

THE Tour de France's leading cyclist is being stalked by a hungry coyote with an arsenal of cack-handed gadgets, it has emerged.