WEST Bromwich Albion have abandoned football and are to regroup as a Dixieland jazz band.
ENGLAND manager Fabio Capello feels England could soon compete against the likes of Burundi or even Burkino Faso following last night's demolition of Hungary.
MARTIN O'Neill has quit as manager of Aston Villa after being asked to mould a trophy winning team out of tiny plastic figures who have to be flicked around the pitch.
MANCHESTER United and Chelsea have successfully relaunched their totally fictitious rivalry.
THE Chinese government has warned the people of Liverpool that it will not tolerate the theft of its property once it buys the local football club.
ANDY Murray has announced that he will no longer be using a racket during tennis matches.
CAR-pointing experts Ferrari have caused uproar by replacing their driving team with two excessively polite gentlemen from the 1820s.
LIVERPOOL boss Roy Hodgson has unsettled new signing Joe Cole by repeatedly asking whether he's Sylvia or Enid's lad.