THE army is on standby in the event of a tennis strike, Downing Street has confirmed.
ARSENAL are to be granted legal protection from the relentless taunts of opposing fans, it has been confirmed.
SPURS boss Harry Redknapp has defended his team selection against Rubik Tonka, claiming his side are uniformly mediocre.
WAYNE Rooney is a white, prostitute-loving version of Pele, Sir Alex Ferguson has claimed.
THERE have been fresh calls to detain Britain's diehard rugby fans in New Zealand for the rest of their lives.
BRITAIN'S 5000m world champion Mo Farah has admitted that in retrospect he wishes he hadn't bothered.
VICTORY over Wales tomorrow will see England confirmed as the team with the most unrealistic set of fans in the world.
AS everybody is surely aware, each February 20th is a dizzying whirl of excitement as the nation’s orchestras jostle to restock their ranks.