Sport

Bradley Wiggins tells the French to eat it

BRADLEY Wiggins cruised down the Champs Elysee to cycling victory, and the people of France just had to stand there and take it.

New Arsenal kit from Tesco

ARSENE Wenger has revealed Arsenal’s entire kit cost him just £200 from the Highbury branch of Tesco.

Footballers get ‘thinking’ coach

THE Football Association has appointed a coach to train players in basic brain use, including moral decisions.

Carroll could be released back into wild

ANDY Carroll may be allowed to roam free amongst his kind once more as Liverpool consider an offer for his rehoming.

Bradley Wiggins targeted by Wile E Coyote

THE Tour de France's leading cyclist is being stalked by a hungry coyote with an arsenal of cack-handed gadgets, it has emerged.

Parallel universe Andy Murray inspires our universe Andy Murray

ANDY Murray's ridiculously successful parallel universe counterpart has told the tennis player he needs to get back out there and smash it.

Olympians will eat burgers during events

OLYMPIC athletes will be required to consume McDonalds food while competing, it has emerged.

Murray to use shameless flirtation against Tsonga

ANDY Murray will deploy strategic gay come-ons to distract Jo Wilfried Tsonga at Wimbledon today, it has been claimed.