Sport

Indians allowed into pavilion bar

ENGLAND have rewarded India's act of noble savagery by admitting them to the Trent Bridge bar to drink amongst gentlemen.

Bedside vigil for ball victim Hernandez

A DEVASTATED Manchester United squad have begun a round the clock vigil at bedside of team mate, Javier Hernandez after a football hit his little face.

India demand bigger bats

ENGLAND has questioned the ICC's decision to give them small plastic children's bats for the second test on Friday.

Daley hoping Olympic pool has been filled

TOM Daley will today make the first dive into the new Olympic pool that he really hopes someone has remembered to fill with water.

Government to buy Tevez for the nation

THE government has tabled an ambitious £50m bid to preserve Carlos Tevez for the entire nation.

Adebayor asks Spurs to move to the midlands

HARRY Redknapp is reconsidering a loan move for Emmanuel Adebayor after the Man City striker said moving to London seemed like a faff.

Smoker wins at sport

DARREN Clarke celebrated his Open victory last night with another batch of top quality tobacco.

Mancini to buy entire Arsenal squad for a laugh

ROBERTO Mancini will purchase every member of Arsenal's squad, with the obvious exception of Eboue, just to see the look on Arsene Wenger's face.