Webb exiled to Liverpool

THE Referee's Association is to make Howard Webb live in Bootle for three months.

Man City to start trying again soon

MANUEL Pellegrini has warned Premier League rivals that eventually his side will start taking the competition seriously again.

Mourinho working on metaphor that’ll blow Man City away

JOSE Mourinho is preparing a metaphor so apt that Manchester City will be unable to defend against it.

Gravity wins at Sochi

EARTH'S gravitational field has been declared Overall Winner at the Winter Olympics.

Chelsea bus requests transfer

CHELSEA'S team bus has demanded a transfer after being left out of the team facing Manchester City last weekend.

Kinnear unable to get any signatures on leaving card

JOE Kinnear has left St James’ Park for the last time with a blank farewell card.

Imagine he wrestled, Bryan fans told

DISAPPOINTED Daniel Bryan fans have been told to pretend he turned up at Sunday's Royal Rumble.

Juan Mata joins rat-infested ghost ship

CHELSEA midfielder Juan Mata has been sold to an eerie crewless ship.