Juan Mata joins rat-infested ghost ship

CHELSEA midfielder Juan Mata has been sold to an eerie crewless ship.

United fans pool resources to throw season ticket onto pitch

A CONSORTIUM of United fans has bought a season ticket to throw onto the pitch in protest against David Moyes.

Neville arrested outside Moyes house with gun

GARY Neville as been arrested for attempting to scale David Moyes's garden fence while carrying a gun.

Football clubs urged to panic buy early

FOOTBALL clubs are being advised to get their ill-advised transfer window panic buys in early before the rush.

Maybe try scoring some goals, Fergie tells Moyes

DAVID Moyes has been advised by his predecessor to boost Manchester United's league position by getting more goals.

Allardyce losing wager on being sacked

SAM Allardyce is losing £20,000 a day after spread betting on when he will get fired.

Fan fury as footballer looks up while being abused

THE Football Supporters' Association has complained after a player made eye contact during a chant about his whore mother.

England in elaborate bid to stop cricket coach getting to work

AS appalling England cricket coach Andy Flower vowed to stay on, the country will join forces to stop him reaching his office.