Sport

Adebayor asks Spurs to move to the midlands

HARRY Redknapp is reconsidering a loan move for Emmanuel Adebayor after the Man City striker said moving to London seemed like a faff.

Smoker wins at sport

DARREN Clarke celebrated his Open victory last night with another batch of top quality tobacco.

Mancini to buy entire Arsenal squad for a laugh

ROBERTO Mancini will purchase every member of Arsenal's squad, with the obvious exception of Eboue, just to see the look on Arsene Wenger's face.

GB Olympic failure to be blamed on politeness

BRITISH athletes are far too nice to try and win things, according to turtle-faced coach Sir Clive Woodward.

Eboué puts his feet up and reads paper

ARSENE Wenger has been warned by his last remaining player, Emmanuelle Eboué, that he never, ever plans to leave.

Liverpool to experiment with 0-11-0 formation

KENNY Dalglish is hoping to improve Liverpool's fortunes next season by fielding a side comprising entirely of midfielders.

British sport welcomes Haye excuse

DEFEATED boxer David Haye has heralded a new dawn of British sports excuses by blaming a 1cm bone in his four tonne body.

Fifa cranks up the piss-taking

ENGLAND have been moved to fourth in the world rankings in a move clearly designed to flip the FA the bird.