Lampard shows Luiz his special birthmark

FRANK Lampard has reminded David Luiz of the ancient prophecy that proclaims him the One True Lord Of Stamford Bridge.

Mourinho visit causes psychic disturbance across English football

REAL Madrid manager Jose Mourinho has flown to England, unsettling every manager, player and chairman in the Premier League with a day of house-hunting and mysterious omens.

Liverpool bring back the lack of romance of the cup

LIVERPOOL has once again made the League Cup Final look like the end of a damaging relationship.

Pearce selects a blend of hopeless and not good enough

CARETAKER England manager Stuart Pearce has picked a squad containing an unexpected variety of rubbish.



Warren to launch pay-per-view press conferences

FRANK Warren is to charge home audiences £12 for all future boxing interviews.

Villas-Boas issues confident statement from Portakabin

CHELSEA manager Andre Villas-Boas has remained defiantly upbeat despite having his office moved into a modular building several miles from Stamford Bridge.

Tevez returns as 'Tevez the White'

MYSTICAL striker Carlos Tevez has made a miraculous return to Manchester City claiming to be a more powerful incarnation of his former self.

Team GB to try fairly hard

BRITAIN'S Olympians say they are training as hard as they can, within reason.