Hansen predicts Premier League victors will be a football team

MATCH of the Day pundit Alan Hansen has insisted that a team will win the Premier League.

Manchester United fans can’t decide who they hate most

SUNDAY’S Liverpool-City game has Manchester United fans agonising about who they least want to win the title.

Green jacket yearning for a woman's touch

GOLF’S famous green jacket is absolutely desperate to feel the warmth of a woman’s body, it has emerged.

God may intervene to keep Sunderland up

GOD has admitted being tempted to step in to keep Sunderland in the Premier League.

Spurs too scared to tell Sherwood he's sacked

BOARD members at Tottenham Hotspur are still arguing over who has to tell Tim Sherwood he's fired.

Evil doctor's Grand National horse was once human

GRAND National winner Pineau De Re is the result of an evil doctor's experiments injecting horse DNA into patients, it has emerged.

Four horses missing after Aintree Ladies’ Day

FOUR horses remain unaccounted for after the annual ritual of Aintree “Ladies’ Day”.

Roads not a velodrome

BRITAIN'S roads are not a specialist cycle racing facility, it has been confirmed.