Sport

Olympics BMX dilemma as final clashes with tea time

BRITAIN'S 9-year-old Olympics BMX competitor is in turmoil after it emerged the final will take place when he had promised his mum he'd be home for tea.

Olympic Village rife with regimented, goal-based sex

OLYMPIC athletes are engaged in lots of sex, which they see as some sort of physical endurance challenge.

Olympians blasted for smoking outside stadium

OLYMPIC athletes including Mo Farah and Jessica Ennis have been reprimanded for smoking near the main entrance to Olympic Park.

England fans asked to not care

ROY Hodgson has asked England supporters to stop being bothered about what happens, in a bid to boost results.

Sir Steve Redgrave to be decommissioned

BRITAIN will phase Sir Steve Redgrave out of service by the end of the year, the British Olympic Committee has confirmed.

I’m Spanish, actually, claims Team GB horse

TEAM GB may be stripped of its silver Eventing medal after a horse broke its vow of silence.

Chinese swimmer's flippers and blowhole suspicious, says top official

SOME Olympians may be heavily-disguised animals, it has been claimed.

Beach volleyball abandoned after audience hears about the internet

THE Olympics' main titillation-fest was left deserted yesterday after rumours spread through the crowd of something called the internet, where girls are entirely naked.