Sport
Newcastle To Rename Stadium Every 30 Seconds
NEWCASTLE United are to change the name of their historic St James's Park Stadium every 30 seconds, in accordance with the highest bidder.
Strauss 'Relaxed, Focused And Ready For Annihilation'
ENGLAND cricket captain Andrew Strauss arrived in South Africa yesterday insisting he was 'absolutely raring' to have his arse handed to him on a plate.
Agassi Sold Hair To Buy Drugs
TENNIS star Andre Agassi sold his entire head of hair to buy crystal meth, it emerged last night.
Man Offers Hand Job For Grimsby-Port Vale Ticket
A STOKE man last night defended his offer of vigorous masturbation in exchange for tickets to see Grimsby versus Port Vale.
Ferguson Calls R-Word A C-Word
SIR Alex Ferguson has avoided fresh charges from the FA by euphemistically abusing the referee using figures of speech and a hand puppet.
Pope In Bold Transfer Swoop For Eight Million Anglicans
THE Pope has made an audacious bid for eight million worshippers in a move that has infuriated Anglican manager Rowan Williams.
Judge Me On The Cleanliness Of Our Kit, Insists Benitez
LIVERPOOL coach Rafael Benitez last night called for his team's immaculate kit to be the benchmark for their success.
Benitez Blames Freak Goal On Giant Invisible Nudists
LIVERPOOL coach Rafael Benitez has blamed Sunderland's deflected goal on Chippy and Lyndsey, two nude invisible giants who, he claims, will do anything to thwart his happiness.