HERCULE Poirot has been asked to deduce why that thing in the news about Fifa matters in the slightest.
FABIO Capello has responded to Michael Owen questioning his exile from the England squad by burning him a DVD of the last five years of his career.
TEAMS relegated on the final day of the Premier League season will only be replaced by different ones, it has emerged.
WITH the Premier League season about to climax over the nation's grateful
visage, one's thoughts turn to those for whomst shame and sorrow will
become constant companions.
WALES is to come face to face with fire on a stick.
WEST Ham supporters have admitted that the entire season has been a proper roast tomato.
CELTIC manager Neil Lennon was recovering last night after a frenzied goose attack.
MANCHESTER United can nearly claim to be the least incompetent team of the year.