Sport

Owen vows to continue top-­flight sitting

MICHAEL Owen believes his career in being seated can continue at the highest level after leaving Manchester United.

England fans gripped by opposite of fever

THE announcement of England’s squad has triggered no excitement ahead of the Euro 2012 tournament.

Joey Barton 'based personality on Swayze in Road House'

FOOTBALLER Joey Barton has confessed to stealing his philosophising tough guy persona from the lead character in the 1989 movie Road House.

Money apparently involved in football

PREMIER League football is in some way linked with lots of money, internet sleuths have claimed.

God hates cricket

RECENT extreme weather proves that the Almighty sees cricket as a abomination, it has been claimed.

Hodgson to name grandson in England squad

FRESHLY-CONDEMNED England manager Roy Hodgson is to name a Euro 2012 squad of 23 players including young Sarah’s lad.

Clubs rush to sign ex­-Fiorentina manager's fists

SEVERAL Premier League chairmen have expressed an interest in manager Delio Rossi's player-punching talents.

Manchester prepares for influx of bullshit

AUTHORITIES in Manchester have warned of an unprecedented level of bollocks.