£90 England shirt made with patented PissTake technology

THE England football team's new kit is expensive because it is made from a cutting-edge material called PissTake.

Dutch cricket coach lambasts squad for poor display

HOLLAND cricket coach Peter Drinnen has lambasted his team for only narrowly beating England.

Liverpool six games from being unbearable again

LIVERPOOL fans are on the brink of regaining their status as the most annoying in England.

Sol Campbell autobiography to focus on his previous lives

SOL Campbell’s autobiography focuses on his experiences as a handmaiden to Queen Elizabeth I in a previous life.

Most Britons think Mo Farah is a character in Game of Thrones

INTEREST in sport has plummeted to the point that most people believe Mo Farah is a central character in a TV show that includes dragons.

Entire Chelsea team not sent off by mistake

REFEREE Andre Marriner has been criticised for failing to dismiss players despite TV replays showing them wearing Chelsea shirts.

Mourinho and Drogba still only on cheese course

MANY hours after they sat down together, José Mourinho's candlelit dinner with Didier Drogba is still not finished.

Russia angers West by recognising Villas-Boas as a football manager

RUSSIA has heightened tensions with the UK by supporting Andre Villas-Boas’s claim to be a football coach.