ENGLAND'S reported loss to Australia in The Ashes has been discounted because it took place on the other side of the world.
DAVID Beckham has admitted that his tattoos are visual substitutes for his complete lack of any short-term memory.
THE FA has confirmed that as of 7pm last night, kicking Luis Suarez is no longer a punishable offence.
WEST Bromwich Albion are confident that changing manager will transform them into a top four worldwide football club.
MANCHESTER United manager David Moyes said the team’s dismal form is the sort of thing that happens to him all the time.
ALL-CONQUERING glamour club Stoke City are now a mathematical certainty to win the Premier League.
ONE youth’s account of the novelty explosives trade that is ruining football.
ENGLAND manager Roy Hodgson has settled on a first eleven excuses for failure at next year's World Cup.