Sport

Grand National to outlaw rotating knives

ANIMAL rights activists have welcomed the removal of meat-processing machinery from next year's Grand National.

Lewis Hamilton is 86 years-old

LEWIS Hamilton's recent dip in form is because he is actually in his mid eighties, it has emerged.

England demands its own word for 'schadenfreude'

AMID unprecedented levels of schadenfreude, England said it is now time it had its own word for it.

Wales expands seething resentment empire

IRELAND and France can look forward to a thousand years of being despised by vengeful dwarves.

Tevez refuses to enter disciplinary hearing

CARLOS Tevez has foiled Manchester City's plans to discipline him by refusing to enter the room.

West Ham not very good at buildings either

SOMETIME football club West Ham has added 'winning stadium bids' to its list of inabilities.

Hopes rise that Formula 1 can now be stopped

SEBASTIAN Vettel's 2011 F1 title means we can cancel the rest of the races, forever, it has been claimed.

 


Hang on, this looks dangerous, says boxing federation

THE International Boxing Federation has suspended all future bouts after realising it is just two people knocking shit out of each other.