CRICKETERS across England have urged match-fixers to contact them the next time they need somebody to be shit at bowling.
ALBERTO Aquilani has been loaned to Juventus after manager Luigi Delneri revealed himself to be a keen jigsaw collector.
THE lunatic fantasy world of Newcastle United supporters has started to
manifest itself in this dimension after the club's 6-0 win over
JOE Cole continued his bid to acclimatise to life in Liverpool yesterday by appearing before a magistrate.
CRAIG Bellamy has completed his loan move from Man City to Cardiff after tests confirmed him to be the Welshest man on the planet.
WEST Bromwich Albion have abandoned football and are to regroup as a Dixieland jazz band.
ENGLAND manager Fabio Capello feels England could soon compete against the likes of Burundi or even Burkino Faso following last night's demolition of Hungary.