Sport

Formula One is rubbish, admits Ecclestone

BERNIE Ecclestone has confessed that Formula One is bollocks and he's sick of looking at it.

Gazza offers Cole some chicken

UNHINGED gunman Ashley Cole was last night offered a variety of objects by Paul Gascoigne.

Hathaway costume changes delight England wicket keeper

ANNE Hathaway's eight costume changes were a triumph, according to Surrey and England wicket keeper Steven Davies.

Police braced for velodrome stampede

LONDON police are urging people not to travel to the newly-opened Olympic Velodrome amid overcrowding fears.

Wenger did not see Orient match

ARSENE Wenger has refused to comment on Arsenal's draw against Leyton Orient, claiming not to have seen any of it.


Uefa banks on football fans being thick

TICKET prices for the Champion's League final are fresh evidence that the people who run football think the fans might be a bit stupid, it emerged last night.

Olympic stadium to become 'world class' car boot sale venue

LONDON'S Olympic stadium will be transformed into the nation's finest car boot sale venue after the 2012 games.

Woman impregnated by overhead kick

WAYNE Rooney's right foot is being studied by theologians after his overhead kick impregnated a 58 year-old woman from Guildford.