Wenger throws Fabregas' clothes into garden

NEIGHBOURS of Arsenal have called the police after Arsene Wenger had a screaming argument with Cesc Fabregas in the early hours of the morning.

Clubs line up to tell Barton to do one

NEWCASTLE United have admitted they have been deluged with offers from clubs wanting to show Joey Barton exactly where the sun does not shine.

Indians allowed into pavilion bar

ENGLAND have rewarded India's act of noble savagery by admitting them to the Trent Bridge bar to drink amongst gentlemen.

Bedside vigil for ball victim Hernandez

A DEVASTATED Manchester United squad have begun a round the clock vigil at bedside of team mate, Javier Hernandez after a football hit his little face.

India demand bigger bats

ENGLAND has questioned the ICC's decision to give them small plastic children's bats for the second test on Friday.

Daley hoping Olympic pool has been filled

TOM Daley will today make the first dive into the new Olympic pool that he really hopes someone has remembered to fill with water.

Government to buy Tevez for the nation

THE government has tabled an ambitious £50m bid to preserve Carlos Tevez for the entire nation.

Adebayor asks Spurs to move to the midlands

HARRY Redknapp is reconsidering a loan move for Emmanuel Adebayor after the Man City striker said moving to London seemed like a faff.