Premier league boss claims China stole egg foo yung from Sheffield

THE chairman of the premier league last night accused China of stealing great British recipes like egg foo yung and Szechuan chicken.

Irishman hot favourite to be drunkest person at Cheltenham

MARTIN O'Hanlon, a 38 year-old from Kerry, is the bookies' choice for champion drinker at the Cheltenham Festival.

City fans prepare for annual hope crushing

MANCHESTER City may still manage to utterly ruin their fans' summer after losing to a team costing less than Mario Balotelli's firework holster.

Bale has inner-ear problem, says Redknapp

HARRY Redknapp has defended Gareth Bale’s precarious goalmouth balance, claiming the midfielder has an inner-ear issue.

Chelsea hires Supernanny

TV strop-wrangler Jo Frost will manage Chelsea until it behaves itself.

Lampard shows Luiz his special birthmark

FRANK Lampard has reminded David Luiz of the ancient prophecy that proclaims him the One True Lord Of Stamford Bridge.

Mourinho visit causes psychic disturbance across English football

REAL Madrid manager Jose Mourinho has flown to England, unsettling every manager, player and chairman in the Premier League with a day of house-hunting and mysterious omens.

Liverpool bring back the lack of romance of the cup

LIVERPOOL has once again made the League Cup Final look like the end of a damaging relationship.