Budget conscious footballer admits romp with mid-priced prostitutes

FINANCIALLY-ASTUTE soccer star Tom Logan has confessed to a three-way romp with two excellent value call girls.

Liverpool face tough bigotry test

ZENIT St Petersburg will pose Liverpool FC a massive bigotry test, admits manager Brendan Rogers.

Sports personality of the year, with Brian Sewell

ONCE again Britain has huddled around its portable televisions for the sports-based prize giving. I shall attempt to summarise it thusly:

Small football business beaten by slightly larger one

FOOTBALL business AFC Wimbledon was outperformed by a rival company with more resources and a similar name yesterday.

English cricketers come out of hiding

RICKY Ponting’s retirement has caused English cricketers to slowly unclench their buttocks.

'Sports' and 'personality' not really compatible

BEING really into sport and having a personality are two quite different things, the BBC has finally realised.

Barton’s accent to be used as crowd control weapon

JOEY Barton’s French accent could be used for riot control or the war on terror, it has emerged.

West Ham fans taunted by sound of man with tiny penis

WEST Ham fans are to be subjected to cruel taunts about the apparent smallness of their genitalia.