GARETH Bale has repaid his new owners Real Madrid by scoring an incredible 85,000,001 goals in his first game for the club.
RESEARCHERS have found that completely ignoring football is significantly cheaper than paying attention to it.
THE England football team has admitted that a fierce sense of national pride is only good for about three-quarters of an hour.
THE 2020 Olympic Games in Tokyo will test athletes to their physical limits by including High Rollers, Bridge Ball, and Skipping Stones.
INSURERS have banned Carlo Ancelotti from picking Gareth Bale in case he gets broken.
TRAVELLERS have been warned that large areas of North West England are currently more awful than normal.
ARSENAL has signed Portuguese striker Ronaldo from a parallel Earth for the bargain price of £5.5m.