Meulensteen discovers Magath has drunk his tea

EX-FULHAM manager Rene Meulensteen is furious that a pot of tea he had brewed to perfection was consumed by his replacement.

Britain somehow manages to drag itself away from the curling

BRITAIN turned up for work today even though there is curling on the television.

Webb exiled to Liverpool

THE Referee's Association is to make Howard Webb live in Bootle for three months.

Man City to start trying again soon

MANUEL Pellegrini has warned Premier League rivals that eventually his side will start taking the competition seriously again.

Mourinho working on metaphor that’ll blow Man City away

JOSE Mourinho is preparing a metaphor so apt that Manchester City will be unable to defend against it.

Gravity wins at Sochi

EARTH'S gravitational field has been declared Overall Winner at the Winter Olympics.

Chelsea bus requests transfer

CHELSEA'S team bus has demanded a transfer after being left out of the team facing Manchester City last weekend.

Kinnear unable to get any signatures on leaving card

JOE Kinnear has left St James’ Park for the last time with a blank farewell card.