ANDY Murray has announced that he will no longer be using a racket during tennis matches.
CAR-pointing experts Ferrari have caused uproar by replacing their driving team with two excessively polite gentlemen from the 1820s.
LIVERPOOL boss Roy Hodgson has unsettled new signing Joe Cole by repeatedly asking whether he's Sylvia or Enid's lad.
FORMULA 1 car-pointer Mark Webber will start the next Grand Prix in a 1998 Fiat Punto.
RONALDO'S baby son punched a midwife within seconds of being born before feigning a calf injury, it has been confirmed.
PROTESTORS outside Anfield last night questioned whether Roy Hodgson is mentally unstable enough to manage Liverpool.