Ferguson memoir reveals United never actually won anything

SIR Alex Ferguson’s new book has revealed that United failed to win even the League Cup during his 26 years in charge.

Furious Mourinho forced to mix with Chelsea fans

JOSE Mourinho has blasted the FA after a referee made him breathe the same dirty air as fans of Chelsea FC.

England wins World Cup

ENGLAND have basically won the World Cup.

Plucky England dreaming of draw against mighty Montenegro

ENGLAND'S raggle-taggle crew of enthusiastic amateur footballers believe they can hold the legendary Montenegro to a draw.

Jack Wilshere hailed as role model by kids who smoke

SMOKING kids believe they have finally found a role model in Arsenal midfielder Jack Wilshere.

Football 'originally played with a severed head'

A SEVERED head has been kicked around the Queen's lawn to celebrate 150 years of football.

New England letdown hero discovered

ENGLAND fans are celebrating a new hero who they can place all their hopes in before being painfully disappointed.

Joe Hart reconsiders pre-match greasing routine

MANCHESTER City goalkeeper Joe Hart is reconsidering his pre-game routine of greasing himself all over.