A SEVERED head has been kicked around the Queen's lawn to celebrate 150 years of football.
ENGLAND fans are celebrating a new hero who they can place all their hopes in before being painfully disappointed.
MANCHESTER City goalkeeper Joe Hart is reconsidering his pre-game routine of greasing himself all over.
FANS of Manchester United are delighted to be launching their first campaign to sack a manager in almost a quarter of a century.
A MASSIVE boat has beaten a bunch of other boats to win the America's Cup.
PAOLO Di Canio has declared himself Sunderland manager-for-life following a brutal coup.
WAYNE Rooney has questioned the nature of existence following a Champions League game.
FOOTBALL pundit Jamie Carragher has insisted The Godfather Part III is the best film in the epic 'trilogy'.