UNDER-fire managers have issued stark ultimatums to their boards as the giant face of Rafael Benitez loomed over the horizon.
AND so Samuel AllardicÃ© is cast into the stygian abyss of failed Blackburn Rovers allenatori. But which new Theseus will come forth to slay the Minotaur that is the fair red rose of Lancashire's unfulfilled desires?
BLACKBURN Rovers have confirmed that Sam Allardyce will return to his post as regional sales executive for Ossett Windows.
MANCHESTER City cheese-before-bedtime nightmare Carlos Tevez has rocked fans by asking for a larger pen.
AUSTRALIA is to recall booze, strippers and late night hotel carnage to its humiliated Ashes squad.
NEWCASTLE United owner Mike Ashley yesterday predicted a new golden age for the club after replacing manager Chris Hughton with a battered copy of the 1972 Magpie annual.
BLEARY-eyed cricket fans are currently living in a confusing, surreal dreamscape where England know what they are doing.