Neville arrested outside Moyes house with gun

GARY Neville as been arrested for attempting to scale David Moyes's garden fence while carrying a gun.

Football clubs urged to panic buy early

FOOTBALL clubs are being advised to get their ill-advised transfer window panic buys in early before the rush.

Maybe try scoring some goals, Fergie tells Moyes

DAVID Moyes has been advised by his predecessor to boost Manchester United's league position by getting more goals.

Allardyce losing wager on being sacked

SAM Allardyce is losing £20,000 a day after spread betting on when he will get fired.

Fan fury as footballer looks up while being abused

THE Football Supporters' Association has complained after a player made eye contact during a chant about his whore mother.

England in elaborate bid to stop cricket coach getting to work

AS appalling England cricket coach Andy Flower vowed to stay on, the country will join forces to stop him reaching his office.

Ashes loss happened too far away to count

ENGLAND'S reported loss to Australia in The Ashes has been discounted because it took place on the other side of the world.

David Beckham 'can't make new memories'

DAVID Beckham has admitted that his tattoos are visual substitutes for his complete lack of any short-term memory.