Sport

Man tired because he stayed up watching ‘the swimming’

AN OFFICE worker is exhausted today because of watching something he describes as ‘the swimming’.

There is no ball, table tennis players admit

INTERNATIONAL table tennis players have confessed that there have been no balls involved at the sport’s top level for 30 years.

Garry Monk suddenly remembers he's Leeds manager

FORMER Swansea boss Garry Monk has suddenly remembered he was appointed Leeds United manager over two months ago.

FA Cup to trial substituting finalists

THE FA will substitute lower-league teams who reach the FA Cup final for popular clubs like Manchester United.

Russia to host Olympic Games on Drugs

RUSSIA is to host an alternative Olympic Games where drug use is obligatory.

FA says, ‘f**k it, what does it matter?’

THE Football Association has finally given up and appointed Sam Allardyce as England manager.

Sunderland to spend £30m on someone, anyone

SUNDERLAND has pledged to smash its transfer record to bring in anyone, anyone at all.

Chris Froome abandons bike after realising they’re for kids

CHRIS Froome has completed a stage of the Tour de France on foot after suddenly realising that cycling is not what a grown man should be doing.