THOUSANDS of determined runners are preparing to urinate in their pants at this weekend's London Marathon.
REFEREE Martin Atkinson has announced that Chelsea Rovers won their game in straight sets yesterday.
HORSE racing is okay if you are in the mood, horses said last night.
DAMIEN Comolli has resigned from his post of chief moneyburner at Liverpool FC after winning $40 million via email.
THE 158th Varsity Boat Race between Oxford and Cambridge ended in a shootout which killed nine participants and 18 spectators.
ALEX Ferguson has confessed that he has been managing Liverpool for the last 15 months.
ANDY Carroll will play for Liverpool against Newcastle this weekend in the hope it will trigger memories of his former behaviour.
GLENN Hoddle is planning to end his own life, ride the wheel of karma
and return to this world as the manager of the England football team.