Sport
Kaka Deal Off After Agent Finally Says The Word 'City'
BRAZILIAN superstar Kaká has called off a move to Manchester after his agent finally said the word 'city'.
Hi Wheel Love Heet Heef We Beat Them, Says Benitez
LIVERPOOL manager Rafa Benitez has poured scorn on Sir Alex Fergsuson insisting he 'wheel love heet' if his side beats Man United to the Premier League title.
Someone Apparently Taking Portsmouth Seriously
THE death threats to Jermain Defoe suggest someone may actually be taking Portsmouth seriously, experts said last night.
Millionaire Footballers Remain Terribly Working Class
PREMIER league footballers have remained utterly ghastly despite their multi-million pound salaries, according to new research.
Keane Resigns To Spend More Time With The Voices
ROY Keane resigned as manager of Sunderland yesterday to spend more time with the 26 voices that echo around the inside of his head.
Hamilton Wins World Car Pointing Championship
LEWIS Hamilton last night became the youngest ever winner of the World Car Pointing Championship.
Running Stupid
RUNNING for any distance greater than five metres is stupid, it was confirmed last night.
Newcastle Fans Call For The Reanimation Of Jackie Milburn
NEWCASTLE United fans last night warned the club's potential buyers they must invest heavily in the reanimation of 1950s hero Jackie Milburn.