British grass defeats foreigners

ANOTHER batch of foreigners was sent packing yesterday in a major victory for Britain's grass.

BBC to schedule Newcastle United as light entertainment

THE BBC's coverage of Newcastle United's 2013-14 season has been transferred to the department running variety shows and situation comedy.

No pressure, Britain tells Murray

RAFA Nadal's first round defeat does not mean that you now have absolutely no excuse, Britain told Andy Murray last night.

Murray scripted to win something that matters

ANDY Murray has been scripted to finally win the only tennis tournament that actually counts.

Joe Kinnear wants Newcastle to play in comet formation

NEWCASTLE United's Director of Football plans to reshape the team formation to all chasing after the ball at once.

Mourinho press conference leaves a disgusting sticky mess

CHELSEA cleaning staff are still hosing down their press room after Jose Mourinho met reporters yesterday.

Real Madrid cracks down on Bernabéu-walkers

DOZENS of footballers have been spotted loitering around Real Madrid’s ground touting for business.