Sport

England Win At Children's Version Of Cricket

ENGLAND cricket fans were celebrating last night as the national side won a version of the game developed especially for children.

Disappointment For Plucky Billionaire's Plaything

PLUCKY Fulham went down fighting last night as their riches to even more riches tale ended in last minute disappointment.

Capello Names Provisional List Of Excuses

ENGLAND manager Fabio Capello has nominated his provisional list of 30 excuses for crashing out of the World Cup in June.

Chelsea Title Win Celebrated By Absolutely No-One

EVERYBODY in England completely failed to care yesterday as Chelsea clinched the Premier League title.

Liverpool To Replace Gerrard With Petri Dish

RAFAEL Benitez planned for Liverpool's future yesterday by buying a petri dish full of human DNA for £2m.

Bollocks To This, Say Goalkeepers

PREMIERSHIP goalkeepers have decided to fuck that for a game of soldiers after a spate of semi-fatal injuries over the weekend.

Neville And Scholes To Spend Summer Camping In The Mountains

MANCHESTER United veterans Gary Neville and Paul Scholes are to spend the summer in a tent.

Lady Gaga In Wisden Top Five

POP star Lady Gaga has been named as one of Wisden's cricketers of the year.