Coe admits links to ICF

SEBASTIAN Coe has revealed he was once a leading member of West Ham's notorious Inter City Firm.

Offside rule incredibly straightforward

THE offside rule is so simple even a female human could understand it, experts have confirmed.

Incomprehensible Scotsman buys £20m worth of Soleros from Ajax

INCOMPREHENSIBLE Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish has inadvertently signed more than £20m worth of fruit-covered ice cream treats from Dutch giants Ajax.

Sky apologises for super-ness of Sunday

FOOTBALL pimp Sky Sports has been forced to withdraw claims that yesterday was super.

Grant to manage West Ham from circus cannon

AVRAM Grant is to stay on as West Ham manager on the basis he can be fired into the English Channel at any second.

Beckham accused of sleeping with wife

DAVID Beckham is fighting to save his reputation after claims he has been to bed with his pointy wife.

Liverpool phones Dignitas

DIRECTORS at Liverpool FC have booked Roy Hodgson a special holiday to Switzerland to thank him for all his hard work.

Tiny urn forced to return to shithole

A TINY terracotta urn was last night coming to terms with the appalling prospect of having to go back to England.