Government to apply its magic touch to football

ENGLISH football could soon be as impressive as everything else that is run by the government, it has emerged.

Liverpool defeat all part of plan, says Rodgers

BRENDAN Rodgers has confirmed that getting beaten by Oldham was exactly what he had intended.

Anyone with opinion on Eden Hazard to be kicked in the ribs

ANYONE pontificating on Eden Hazard will be kicked quite hard in the upper-torso, it has been confirmed.

Van Persie keeps crippled version of self in attic

ROBIN van Persie has confirmed he has a withered, permanently-injured version of himself in his attic.

James Randi to debunk magic of FA Cup

SKEPTIC investigator James Randi has set out to disprove the magic of the FA Cup.

Balotelli 'didn't know he's not supposed to kill people'

MARIO Balotelli last night said he was 'surprised' at Roberto Mancini's angry reaction to the bomb he planted under his car.

Black armbands made mandatory for all Premiership kits

COMMEMORATIVE armbands worn by grieving Premier league footballers will become a permanent part of kit, under new FIFA rules.