Sport
14 Year-Old Diver Gets Synchronised Kicking
BRITAIN'S teenage diver Tom Daley was on the business end of a synchronised kicking last night after a spat with his team-mate.
Most Athletes Likely To Survive Olympics, Pledges China
LESS than 50% of the athletes competing in this year's Olympic games will be killed by airborne poisons, the Chinese government said last night.
Beijing 2008: The Six Britons Who Will Come Fourth
CARRYING the Olympian hopes of a proud nation, they are the six Great Britons tipped to just miss out on the medals.
We Can Win Masterchef And University Challenge, Says Scolari
CHELSEA coach Luiz Felipe Scolari believes his team can win all three domestic trophies, the Champions League, University Challenge and Masterchef.
Animal Shatters 100m World Record
ANIMAL was yesterday hailed as the fastest Muppet alive after shattering the 100m world record.
Ronaldo To Star In Remake Of 'Roots'
FOOTBALLER Cristiano Ronaldo is being lined up to star in a multi-million dollar remake of the epic TV series Roots.
Everyone Now A F*cking Tennis Expert
EVERYONE in Britain is now a fucking tennis expert who could easily replace Dan Maskell, or whoever it is that does the commentary these days.
Rangers Violence Began In Late 17th Century, Says Uefa
THE violence at the Uefa Cup final began much earlier than was thought, probably in the late 17th century, officials said last night.