Big Indifferent Land 3, Small Inexplicably Angry Land 2

BIG Indifferent Land snatched victory over Small Inexplicably Angry Land at Wembley last night leading to indifference and anger.

Qatar to create new ice age for 2022 World Cup

QATAR plans to trigger an ice age to cool the Earth sufficiently for it to host the World Cup.

Luis Suarez quotes Martin Luther King

FOOTBALLER Luis Suarez has delivered an impassioned speech inspired by history's greatest orators.

London has more stuff that I can buy, says Rooney

WAYNE Rooney wants to move to Chelsea so that he can have ready access to a wider range of goods and services.

England don’t lose the Ashes

ENGLAND were sort of celebrating last night after they managed to retain the Ashes by not playing cricket.

Moyes to leave Old Trafford fallow

MANCHESTER United manager David Moyes has announced that Old Trafford will enjoy a season of rest in 2013-14 to let the soil recover.

Villas-Boas to blow 100m Euros on sweets

ANDRE Villas-Boas has been warned not to spend Gareth Bale’s 100M Euro transfer fee all in one go.

Peter Jackson to turn Bale transfer into trilogy

THE long-running saga of Gareth Bale's journey from Spurs to Real Madrid is to be made into a film saga by Peter Jackson.