Manchester United striker Michael Owen will be out for six weeks after straining his left ovary.
WAYNE Rooney has ensured Portsmouth FC's future after pledging them the contents of his sofa.
RAFAEL Benitez has admitted that his six years in charge of Liverpool was an elaborate, David Copperfield-style illusion.
FANS have asked for the ownership battle over Liverpool FC to be staged at Anfield in place of the actual football.
CARLOS Tevez has asked the Premier League to consider overhauling the entire football rulebook as his legs are a bit tired.
THE owner of the Boston Red Sox has fulfilled a life-long ambition of
surrounding himself with thousands of whining bastards who want to steal