Manchester definitely better than north London at one thing

MANCHESTER is better than north London at one thing and one thing only, it has been confirmed.

Up yours, BBC tells Ferguson

MATCH of the Day producers have welcomed the opportunity to completely ignore Sir Alex Ferguson.

QPR stockpiling gits

NEIL Warnock is building a fortress of arseholes in West London, it emerged last night.

Nasri set to wander earth righting wrongs

SAMIR Nasri will spend the rest of his career going from club to club trying to do right, confirmed his agent.


Adebayor to repay Arsenal by signing for Spurs

TECTONIC striker Emmanuel Adebayor is considering a move to Spurs to cheer up Arsenal fans.


From the darkest corners of your nightmares, this season's biggest frightfest is... BARTON!

Premier League subdues fevered nation

POLICE last night thanked the Premier League for lulling an over-excited Britain back to sleep.

Riot police to enlist football fans

SATURDAY'S football fixtures will go ahead after police agreed to issue every spectator with a riot shield and a stick.