Pearce selects a blend of hopeless and not good enough

CARETAKER England manager Stuart Pearce has picked a squad containing an unexpected variety of rubbish.



Warren to launch pay-per-view press conferences

FRANK Warren is to charge home audiences £12 for all future boxing interviews.

Villas-Boas issues confident statement from Portakabin

CHELSEA manager Andre Villas-Boas has remained defiantly upbeat despite having his office moved into a modular building several miles from Stamford Bridge.

Tevez returns as 'Tevez the White'

MYSTICAL striker Carlos Tevez has made a miraculous return to Manchester City claiming to be a more powerful incarnation of his former self.

Team GB to try fairly hard

BRITAIN'S Olympians say they are training as hard as they can, within reason.

Rangers pledges sectarianism as usual

MURDEROUS chant enabler Rangers last night pledged financial meltdown will not interfere with all the hating.

Suarez to sing 'I Will Always Love You' to Patrice Evra

THE Football Association has ordered Luis Suarez to sing I Will Always Love You to Manchester United's Patrice Evra on Valentine's Day.

Nick Griffin tipped as England manager

PUNDITS have predicted Nick Griffin will be the next England manager on the basis everyone already hates him anyway.