IRELAND and France can look forward to a thousand years of being despised by vengeful dwarves.
CARLOS Tevez has foiled Manchester City's plans to discipline him by refusing to enter the room.
SOMETIME football club West Ham has added 'winning stadium bids' to its list of inabilities.
SEBASTIAN Vettel's 2011 F1 title means we can cancel the rest of the races, forever, it has been claimed.
THE International Boxing Federation has suspended all future bouts after
realising it is just two people knocking shit out of each other.
STUART Pearce spent most of last night turning down the chance to do stuff nobody asked him to.
CARLOS Tevez has undermined Manchester City's long term plan to spend whatever it takes to win something.
SIR Alex Ferguson has called for the exchange of very large sums of money to involve at least some football.