STUART Pearce spent most of last night turning down the chance to do stuff nobody asked him to.
CARLOS Tevez has undermined Manchester City's long term plan to spend whatever it takes to win something.
SIR Alex Ferguson has called for the exchange of very large sums of money to involve at least some football.
SPORTS fans have asked Scotland that if they cannot be good can they at least be unusual.
ENGLAND manager Martin Johnson is to position a brace of floozies and a
pitcher of lager behind the goal line in a bid to motivate Mike Tindall.
THE army is on standby in the event of a tennis strike, Downing Street has confirmed.
ARSENAL are to be granted legal protection from the relentless taunts of opposing fans, it has been confirmed.
SPURS boss Harry Redknapp has defended his team selection against Rubik Tonka, claiming his side are uniformly mediocre.