Sport
Van Nistelrooy To Spend Euro 2008 On Goal-Line
DUTCH striker Ruud van Nisterlooy is to spend the rest of Euro 2008 standing on the opposition goal-line.
Mosley To Mount A Donkey Before French Grand Prix
MOTORSPORT boss Max Mosley is to mount a donkey before the French Grand Prix later this month.
I'd Rather Sell Ronaldo To Gypsies, Says Fergie
SIR Alex Ferguson has dismissed claims Cristiano Ronaldo is heading for Real Madrid, insisting he would rather sell the winger to gypsies or travelling circus folk.
Gemma Atkinson's Chimp To Fight New Madonna Baby
HOLLYOAKS star Gemma Atkinson is to pit her new chimpanzee against Madonna's Malawian baby in the latest round of Celebrity Toddler Fight Club: Adopted!
Russia Completes Potato Harvest In Time For Champions League Final
THE spring potato crop has been lifted and the pitch in Moscow's Luzhniki Stadium is now ready for the Champions League final, officials have confirmed.
Rangers Now The England Of Scotland
RANGERS are the England of Scotland, it was claimed last night.
Millionaires Win Stuff
SOME millionaires won some stuff yesterday while some other millionaires did not.
Capello Picks Gerrard To Miss Crucial World Cup Penalty
FABIO Capello has picked Steven Gerrard as the man who will miss England's crucial World Cup semi-final penalty in 2010.