Nasri set to wander earth righting wrongs

SAMIR Nasri will spend the rest of his career going from club to club trying to do right, confirmed his agent.


Adebayor to repay Arsenal by signing for Spurs

TECTONIC striker Emmanuel Adebayor is considering a move to Spurs to cheer up Arsenal fans.


From the darkest corners of your nightmares, this season's biggest frightfest is... BARTON!

Premier League subdues fevered nation

POLICE last night thanked the Premier League for lulling an over-excited Britain back to sleep.

Riot police to enlist football fans

SATURDAY'S football fixtures will go ahead after police agreed to issue every spectator with a riot shield and a stick.

Wenger throws Fabregas' clothes into garden

NEIGHBOURS of Arsenal have called the police after Arsene Wenger had a screaming argument with Cesc Fabregas in the early hours of the morning.

Clubs line up to tell Barton to do one

NEWCASTLE United have admitted they have been deluged with offers from clubs wanting to show Joey Barton exactly where the sun does not shine.

Indians allowed into pavilion bar

ENGLAND have rewarded India's act of noble savagery by admitting them to the Trent Bridge bar to drink amongst gentlemen.