Sport

Footballers start their summer jobs

AS the football season draws to a close, hundreds of Premier League players have taken temporary jobs in supermarkets.

Cricketers still pretending it cannot be played in the rain

PROFESSIONAL cricketers are avoiding the sport by claiming that it can’t be played in rain.

Hodgson names England squad of the dead

ENGLAND manager Roy Hodgson has selected a World Cup team consisting entirely of undead players.

Every team that sacked its manager wins the league

THE Premier League title has been jointly won by every club that had the courage to sack its manager mid-season.

New league structure to include fictional football teams

THE new football league structure will see established clubs playing hypothetical matches against some of Britain’s favourite fictional teams.

Sports journalists urge calm about the new Maradona

FOOTBALL hacks have cautioned against over-hyping James Wilson, probably the most brilliant footballer of this or any generation.

Liverpool regret leaving Crystal Palace game early to beat traffic

BRENDAN Rodgers has admitted that allowing his team to leave Selhurst Park after 79 minutes to avoid traffic was a mistake.

City to pay UEFA fine with Fernandinho and Jesus Navas

MANCHESTER City have offered two players to UEFA as office administrators, in payment for their £49m fine.