Sterling’s sick note actually bank statement

LIVERPOOL star Raheem Sterling has presented the club with documentation of his bank balance to excuse his absence from training.

We’ve all f**ked up at some point, Britain tells Bassett

BRITONS are confessing their cock-ups in a show of solidarity with footballer Laura Bassett.

Sacked Pearson swears revenge on ostriches

AXED Leicester City manager Nigel Pearson has blamed a "shadowy ostrich cabal" for his dismissal.

Man with some knowledge of tennis simply insufferable

A MAN who knows about tennis from watching it semi-regularly is really making the most of it.

Wimbledon provides welcome distraction from end of world

WIMBLEDON fortnight has begun amid sunshine and the imminent collapse of everything.

English women better at football than English men

ENGLISH men are not as good at playing football as English women, it has been confirmed.

Liverpool fans hail player they've never heard of as saviour

ROBERTO Firmino is the man to fire Liverpool to the Premier League title, according to supporters who only learned his name yesterday.

Man United to buy Gary Neville-themed hotel

MANCHESTER United is to purchase a luxury hotel themed around former right-back Gary Neville.