Sport

England collapse a relief, say fans

BEING good at cricket just felt dirty and sordid, England fans said this morning.

Vatican team qualifies for World Cup

THE national side of the Vatican, led by player-manager Pope Francis, has beaten Romania to win a place in the World Cup finals.

Olympic Stadium to be filled with soup

LONDON’S Olympic Stadium should be filled with soup to nourish the entire nation, it has been claimed.

Rugby beaten by football

RUGBY is to end after admitting defeat in the battle for ball game supremacy.

BT Sport aims to eradicate football

BT SPORT has bought the rights to the Champions League as part of a plan to eradicate football.

Manchester United to renew pact with Satan

THE Red Devils are to renew their longstanding commitment to Satan in a ceremony before their home game this Sunday.

Wenger pays out on Arsenal winning league

ARSENAL manager Arsené Wenger has offered to pay in full any bets on his club winning the Premier League.

Sky launches Sky Sports Handshakes

SKY Sports is launching a new subscriber-only channel focused entirely on sporting event handshakes.