Sport

Olympic Stadium to be filled with soup

LONDON’S Olympic Stadium should be filled with soup to nourish the entire nation, it has been claimed.

Rugby beaten by football

RUGBY is to end after admitting defeat in the battle for ball game supremacy.

BT Sport aims to eradicate football

BT SPORT has bought the rights to the Champions League as part of a plan to eradicate football.

Manchester United to renew pact with Satan

THE Red Devils are to renew their longstanding commitment to Satan in a ceremony before their home game this Sunday.

Wenger pays out on Arsenal winning league

ARSENAL manager Arsené Wenger has offered to pay in full any bets on his club winning the Premier League.

Sky launches Sky Sports Handshakes

SKY Sports is launching a new subscriber-only channel focused entirely on sporting event handshakes.

Yorkshire Tour de France to allow old men in bathtubs

THE two Yorkshire stages of the Tour de France will include the county's pensioners in homemade comedy vehicles.

Ferguson memoir reveals United never actually won anything

SIR Alex Ferguson’s new book has revealed that United failed to win even the League Cup during his 26 years in charge.