Sport

Show-offs run 26 miles ‘because they’re better than you’

THOUSANDS of attention seekers ran 26 miles across London just to make everyone else feel bad about themselves.

Liverpool fans swell to eight times their normal size

LIVERPOOL fans have grown up to eight times their normal size after a derby win against Everton. 

Aston Villa relegated to rugby

ASTON Villa is now a rugby club after being demoted from football.

Middling Premier League teams to form breakaway Mediocrity League

THE so-called ‘Little seven; teams of the English Premier League have held secret meetings to discuss forming their own Mediocrity League.

Man with £1 Leicester City bet reckons he’s clever

A STUPID man reckons he is some kind of god based on a frivolous bet.

Mark Lawrenson starts saying ‘Waazzzuuppp’

BBC football pundit Mark Lawrenson has discovered the world of late 20th Century catchphrases.

Wearers of replica football shirts magically acquire strengths of team

WEARING a replica football shirt magically gives you the strengths and weaknesses of the team in question, scientists have discovered.

Tennis pay should reflect society, says Djokovic

NOVAK Djokovic has declared that the gender pay gap that exists in the workplace should also apply to tennis.