Sport
Tennis not for 'poofs' after all, says Scotland
SCOTLAND has revised its opinion of whether tennis is for 'poofs', it has emerged.
Murray vows to drive the English out of Scotland
TENNIS champion Andy Murray plans is using his fame to unite Scotland against the English, it has emerged.
Hamilton torn over whose cars to crash
LEWIS Hamilton is facing a dilemma over which team's cars he is going to smash into a wall, it has emerged.
Nobody comes to see Hodgson any more
ENGLAND players are making increasingly-implausible excuses for not seeing Roy Hodgson at his FA retirement bungalow.
Dalglish to rejoin Liverpool forward line
KENNY Dalglish has signed for Liverpool, boosting both morale and their ineffective strike force.
Hooves to ensure fairness in Paralympic sprinting
OSCAR Pistorius' complaints about prosthetic blades have triggered the introduction of compulsory strap-on hooves in Paralympic running.
Football car parks brace themselves
ENGLAND’S football-related car parks are hoping for their chance to shine as the transfer window closes today.
Magneto wreaks havoc at Paralympics
MAGNETO has destroyed the Olympic Stadium, after becoming convinced that the Paralympics is a gathering of superheroes.