Sport

New England letdown hero discovered

ENGLAND fans are celebrating a new hero who they can place all their hopes in before being painfully disappointed.

Joe Hart reconsiders pre-match greasing routine

MANCHESTER City goalkeeper Joe Hart is reconsidering his pre-game routine of greasing himself all over.

United fans enjoying novelty of detesting manager

FANS of Manchester United are delighted to be launching their first campaign to sack a manager in almost a quarter of a century.

Boat wins America's Cup

A MASSIVE boat has beaten a bunch of other boats to win the America's Cup.

Di Canio regains control of Sunderland in military coup

PAOLO Di Canio has declared himself Sunderland manager-for-life following a brutal coup.

Rooney ponders the nature of happiness

WAYNE Rooney has questioned the nature of existence following a Champions League game.

Jamie Carragher 'prefers The Godfather Part III'

FOOTBALL pundit Jamie Carragher has insisted The Godfather Part III is the best film in the epic 'trilogy'.

Bale scores 85 million goals

GARETH Bale has repaid his new owners Real Madrid by scoring an incredible 85,000,001 goals in his first game for the club.