INSURERS have banned Carlo Ancelotti from picking Gareth Bale in case he gets broken.
TRAVELLERS have been warned that large areas of North West England are currently more awful than normal.
ARSENAL has signed Portuguese striker Ronaldo from a parallel Earth for the bargain price of £5.5m.
FOOTBALL fans are furious that matches are diverting attention away from the transfer market.
BIG Indifferent Land snatched victory over Small Inexplicably Angry Land at Wembley last night leading to indifference and anger.