Sport

Non-League football best place to meet women

SINGLE women are flocking to non-League football matches in the hope of hooking up with middle-aged men in cagoules.

Fans extrapolate whole season from first game

FOOTBALL fans have decided exactly how everything in their lives will develop over the next nine months.

Trent Bridge wicket has 'miracle healing properties'

ENGLAND cricket fans spent yesterday evening wandering around Nottingham in a daze.

Football fans celebrate Arsenal Opinion Day

FOOTBALL fans around the country are marking the day of the year when they say that Arsenal ‘must finally deliver’.

Thousands sigh before reluctantly picking a Fantasy Football team

BRITONS have lethargically picked the Fantasy Football team that will keep them entertained for a fortnight before being forgotten about.

World beginning to realise that sport is evil

SPORT is an entirely negative influence on humanity, it has been confirmed.

England fans to stay at Edgbaston and get shitfaced

EDGBASTON will stay open until 7pm today so England cricket fans can get mortal.

Mourinho's fat jibes 'must be part of a sophisticated mind game'

CHELSEA manager Jose Mourinho's intricate, enigmatic mind games moved up another level when he called Rafa Benitez fat yesterday.