Nicola Adams now eighth hardest woman in Leeds

NICOLA Adams’ historic gold medal win in the Olympic boxing has seen her edge into the top ten of Leeds hardwomen.

Chapeltown Kath likes to remove eyeballs

The talented flyweight beat the toughest out of half a billion women in China after her trainer used visualisation techniques like imagining the number one seed had spilled her WKD.

Adams will now attempt to break into the Leeds top five with a bout against Pam from The Rose and Bastard in Roundhay, starting with the traditional month-long buildup of telling everybody on her estate that she’s going to get fucking knacked the next time she sees her.

Adams said: “It’s an honour to be spoken of in the same breath as Chapeltown Kath and Mad Bitch Nikki from Kippax.

“Leeds’ hard women are great, they really help me to stay grounded – except of course when they’re trying to pod me in a taxi queue.”

Leeds expert Stephen Malley said: “If she wants to be ranked alongside the greats, Adams needs to work on her clouting people with a stiletto technique, and she’s still got a lot to learn about being dragged screaming into the back of a police van.”

Adams looked well ahead against Ren Cancan throughout the fight and even managed to floor her opponent in the second round, although points were deducted when she followed her onto the canvas and tried unsuccessfully to pull clumps of her hair out with her boxing gloves.

It was great day for the battling women of the British Isles, with Ireland’s Katie Taylor winning her two-hour-long fight that spanned the length of her home town and Wales’ Jade Jones taking gold in the Taekwondo after agreeing to beat up somebody using just her feet for a laugh.

Adams said: “The Olympics has been a great advert for Britain and I think it’s shown the world why British men are often perceived as being quiet and reserved – they’re actually fucking petrified.”