Anfield Reign Was Elaborate Hoax, Reveals Benitez
RAFAEL Benitez has admitted that his six years in charge of Liverpool was an elaborate, David Copperfield-style illusion.
Better than Liverpool
The Spaniard’s Inter Milan side beat Spurs 4-3 in the most one-sided first half of a European match since Barcelona faced a trio of Icelandic puffins in the 1957 Fairs Cup.
The scoreline was only evened up after Spurs boss Harry Redknapp told Gareth Bale that the Inter goalkeeper was a rival silverback attempting to gain dominance in the pack.
But Inter’s overall superiority prompted Benitez to admit that he does actually know his footballing anus from his footballing elbow after all.
He said: “I somehow managed to keep a straight face for over five years, but when I suggested buying Aquilani I genuinely thought I was going to lose it.
“They were all like ‘Aquilani? Really?’ and I was all like ‘Yeah, I think he’s the bestest player in the world’ while scratching my chin at the same time. Next thing I know he’s coughing as the team doctor gently cups his plums.”
Benitez added: “The conviction that Sir Alex Ferguson is the reincarnation of an ancient druid king sent back to earth to destroy me, the banning of all cheese from the canteen whose name ends in a vowel, Andriy Voronin – these were all just japes that spiralled out of control.”
The prolonged hoax was part of a forthcoming hidden-camera show called You’ve Been Run Into the Ground, which also features hilarious footage of a giggling Harry Redknapp embarking on a six-year spending spree at Portsmouth that ends in the High Court.
