Barton denies existence of FA

05-01-12

JOEY Barton has refused to serve his three-match ban after disproving the existence of the Football Association using Nietzschean perspectivism.

'David Bernstein does not think therefore he is not'

The Queens Park Rangers ontologist and occasional midfielder was censured by the FA after trying to test the theory of subjective materialism and the non-existence of matter by using his forehead as a medium.

Barton said: “Without empirical proof of FA chairman David Bernstein’s existence I will continue to give 110% for the team, despite the concept’s inherent mathematical inconsistency.

“I hope my continued presence on the pitch despite my supposed ban will raise an interesting debate on the categorical nature of competing.

“If a player scores a goal and nobody knows why he’s on the pitch, does he still run around with his shirt over his head?”

The player has had a history of controversy, most notably when he argued that God was dead when in fact Barton had just given him an almighty kicking outside a Liverpool branch of McDonalds.

He is the first player to receive a three-match ban for excessive philosophical debate since the 1970 Cup Final when Ron ‘Chopper’ Harris posited his theory on the fragility of human existence using the knees of Eddie Gray.

Barton added: “I will move on from this incident as that which does not kill me makes me stronger at the end of the day, Gary.”

 

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