SOL Campbell has returned to Arsenal for a bit of peace and quiet, his agent said last night.

Campbell says he used to live by the sea

Wenger and several members of the Arsenal board were then driven to a patch of waste ground so Campbell could point out where the old mill used to be and where the tram stop was.

Campbell's agent, Charlie Reeves, said: "He can't be doing with all that shouting and chanting so the Emirates stadium is perfect for him. I can wheel him out onto the pitch on matchday and know he'll have a lovely nap in the sun without being disturbed by any loud noises."

Sources said Campbell's contract contains a list of strict conditions including 'no being cheeked by the young 'uns', 'thermostat on the coach heater to be fixed at 86 degrees' and 'none of that racket on the telly', as well as a good supply of fish paste and a nice battenburg on Fridays.

During his contract-signing press conference, Campbell said: "What are all you people doing here? Are you from the council? I'll need to see your card but I'll have to fetch me readers first.

"I used to play football here before, you know. Well before your time, of course, back in the days when you could buy a decent striker and still have change out of ten million pounds."

Arsenal fan, Nathan Muir, said: "He brings a wealth of Premiership experience with him but I can only assume Arsene will try and chisel Campbell's Post Office account out of him so we can afford to buy a player that doesn't take 20 minutes to turn around."

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