| CAPELLO TELLS ENGLAND PLAYERS TO STOP BEING SO BAD AT FOOTBALL |
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ENGLAND manager Fabio Capello has urged his squad to be much better at playing football, ahead of tonight's friendly against Switzerland.
He added: "I said to Joe Cole, I said, 'Joe, sometimes when you collect the ball on the half way line you pass it really very badly indeed. "'Instead, why don't you try passing it accurately to another member of your team, preferably just in front of him, so he can run onto it without breaking his stride?'." Capello has also advised goalkeeper David James to try and stop the ball with his hands, otherwise it may cross the line, resulting in a goal for the opposing team. Newly-appointed captain Steven Gerrard said the manager had lifted morale by predicting that the team would win more matches just as soon as they can stop being quite so dreadful. "He made it very clear that we weren't good at defending or attacking and that we should really try to be much better at both of those very important things. He's a breath of fresh air." Meanwhile, Capello has also introduced a tough new regime that will see the players forced to cut up their own food, flush their own lavatories and pay-off their own money-grubbing nightclub skanks. |
| TOGETHER, AS A NATION, WE CAN FIND MY GLASSES |
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By Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor IT has been a troubling 48 hours in the history of our ancient but resilient nation. For so it was, at around 11.30 on Tuesday morning, I realised with a heavy heart and a sagging spirit, that I could not find my glasses. |
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