ENGLAND TO BE EXCUSED FROM SPORTS

ENGLAND has asked to be excused from sports for the rest of the year after producing a note from its mum.

England has rubbish trainers

Senior teachers are still assessing whether the note is genuine, but it seems likely the country will be allowed to use Wednesday and Friday afternoons for study time.

The note reads: "Dear teacher, My England should not have to do sports no more cause it's got an infected toe and a swollen wrist.

"The doctor says it needs to stop doing P.E. and be allowed to sit in the corner with its hand down its pants."

Meanwhile classmates of the slow, awkward country welcomed the decision, stressing that having England on your team was worse than having to play with a girl.

Wales said: "England used to be quite good at sport but now it's all fat and speccy and useless.

"It just stands there in its vest and its crap trainers, looking like a twat."

Wales added: "You know it's time to pack it in when Scotland gets picked before you do."

But Mr Hobbs, the PE teacher, said this was typical of England, adding: "You horrid little turd.

"Strip down to your fatboy undies and climb those wall bars before you get my toe up your arse."