England to top international hype table
VICTORY over Wales tomorrow will see England confirmed as the team with the most unrealistic set of fans in the world.
Following the domestic success of Newcastle United, whose supporters still firmly believe their side will find a cure for cancer in the middle of a match against a team of 12-foot tall intergalactic hyperzombies, Capello’s England need just a dull 1-0 against Wales to see them become unbeatably overrated.
England fan Martin Bishop said: “The second I see the ball ricochet goalwards off John Terry’s anus I will change my religion to Capelloism and start using the lyrics to Three Lions as my own personal mantra.
“I’ve made mistakes in the past by being lured by the false prophets Keegan and McClaren but topping Group G after seven matches unbeaten will truly be a miracle and will herald that Capello is the one to lead us to the promised land of one of those quarter-final whatnots.”
England had languished in the self-belief league for the last few years due to a combination of being awful, rare moments of insight and Owen Hargreaves.
Footballologist Wayne Hayes said: “For a long time it was very much a case of them not only being shit but also, for a change, knowing they were.
“But by contriving to not lose to countries better known for their tennis players they’ve managed to once more lead the world in empty self-aggrandisement.
“It really is a new golden age for blindly ignoring the facts about England’s abilities and long may it continue until they face Spain or Germany and get their arses handed to them in a basket.”