Everyone Really Meant To Watch Paralympics
EVERYONE in Britain really meant to watch the Paralympics this weekend but ended up missing it for some reason.
Fired with enthusiasm following Team GB's success in the proper Olympics, the nation vowed to follow the fortunes of its 'special' athletes in China.
However, after praising their mutant determination, millions then immediately forgot about it and instead watched England struggle to victory against a team of Pyrenean bin men.
Wayne Hayes, from Luton, said: "It's amazing the personal struggles they have to go through just to compete. Sometimes you can almost forget how 'special' they are.
"That said, I watched a wheelchair race the other day and they went like the fucking clappers."
He added: "I've got the first 15 minutes of the opening ceremony on Sky+, so I'll try and watch it next Saturday after Football Focus if there isn't any golf."
Bill McKay, a darts player from Didcot, said: "Someone told me they have pole-vaulting dwarves, but what I really want to see is a man with no arms wrestle a man with no legs.
"I'm also looking forward to the 100 metres for men with appalling haircuts, and the weightlifters with chronic flatulence."
He added: "I did tune in for the swimming last night – I thought I was watching a David Cronenberg film."