FA Investigates Deliberate Almunia

25-11-10

THE Football Association is to investgate claims that Arsenal have staged a deliberate Manuel Almunia.

'Is ball, yes?'

Footage of dozens of Arsenal games appears to show Arsene Wenger watching as the not-really-a-goalkeeper runs onto the pitch backwards before having to be cut free from his own net by the fire brigade.

Footballologist, Dr Nathan Muir, said: “This is the worst scandal to hit the Premiership since the Titus Bramble Unpleasantness. The one thing that may save Wenger is the fact that nobody can see a single tactical advantage in having Almunia on the pitch.”

The authorities were alerted by a group of Arsenal supporters reporting sudden lack of anxiety attacks whenever the opposition approached their defence.

When statisticians analysed the team’s results, a pattern emerged between a lack of Almunia and the absence of a flap-handed buffoon.

An FA spokesman said: “It’s different when you’re somebody like West Brom – God help them – and Scott Carson is a genuine attempt to field a goalkeeper.

“But when you’re one of the richest clubs in the country with a history of having some of the best keepers in the league, giving Almunia a pair of gloves is like setting fire to the centre circle to prevent a game taking place – excessive, deliberate and inexplicably self-destructive.”

Almunia attempted to give a press conference to respond to the allegations, but ended up running into the room far too quickly, dropping the microphone on the way past and then catapulting himself out of a window.

 

 

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