the dailymash

Following his side's 2-0 defeat to Liverpool the Man Utd coach delivered a series of cunningly ambiguous opinions while pretending the puppet was whispering into his ear.

Consulting 'Sweary', his giraffe puppet assistant, Ferguson said: "Sweary, do you really think the 'r' was stupid a 'c' with all the ability of a big bucket of 's'?"

Making the puppet nod vigorously, he continued: "And would you like to five-letter word him right up the 'a' blank-blank 'e'?"

Ferguson then pretended the giraffe was again whispering to him, before adding: "Sweary says the referee's mummy met his daddy in the back alley of a dockyard.

"Oh Sweary, I do hope you can prove that or the nice man from the FA will fine you 10 grand and pull your little fluffy ears off."

The match officials also came under fire from the United bench for honouring the ancient tradition of 'The Sending Off of the Vidic', performed every season since 1903, before awarding the wrong kind of overtime in breach of FA Rule 1a.

Ferguson said: "If I had to sum up the ref's performance, I'd say my first is in shit, but not in hit, my second is in shit but not in sit, my third is in... you can see where I'm going with this, yeah?"

Sir Alex then fielded questions on Liverpool coach Rafael Benitez with an elaborate game of charades dominated by thrusting hip movements and simulated defecation.

Responding to the chorus of booing he received, former Liverpool striker Michael Owen said: "I'm so distraught I may be forced to buy myself another racehorse."