the dailymash

The Manchester United manager has vowed to send his incoherent diatribes made from cut-up newspaper print by courier to avoid the postal ban, ensuring his scorn arrives intact.

Members of the reserve team may also be employed to deliver the hate-filled messages to their targets in a bid for first-team football.

Ferguson said: "If needs be I'll hire a sky-writer to fly over the Referee's Association headquarters and spell out the word 'Prickjobs' in smoke."

He added: "In the past I've trained a kestrel with the word 'shitehound' painted on its wings to hover outside of Steve Bennett's window and I once hired out every billboard around Mike Riley's house with messages about what I'd done to his wife while he was away refereeing."

Meanwhile the FA's £20,000 fine - equivalent to two month's wages - means the renowned socialist will have to postpone his plans to buy silk underpants for his fleet of racehorses.

But Alan Leighton, head of the Referee's Association, said: "When a referee makes a gross error of judgement like sending somebody off for coughing or awarding a penalty to a corner flag, the punishment is often being demoted to officiating lower league games.

"I feel the FA must adopt a similar policy and force Mr Ferguson to manage Accrington Stanley for three months. Just please, for Christ's sake don't tell him I said that, would you?"

He added: "The last time I spoke out against him he secretly planted flower bulbs in my garden that, come spring, drew out a picture of me giving oral to Jeff Stelling."