Football car parks brace themselves

ENGLAND’S football-related car parks are hoping for their chance to shine as the transfer window closes today.

Tarmac area of dreams

Patches of tarmac by training grounds, concrete areas outside stadia and Theo Walcott’s gravel drive are eager to host some big name reporters doing pieces to camera while shaven-headed, unemployed plasterers gurn in the background.

Roy Hobbs, 500 square feet of asphalt outside of Old Trafford said: “This is the busiest time of year for me, pundit-wise, and I’m crossing my fingers that I can land Jim White in a Puffa jacket speculating about things.

“I’ve been listening to Ferguson in his car on the way home from work and I think I can look forward to having Sky, BBC and a few other news channels camped on me looking up to the silhouettes in a brightly-lit boardroom this evening.”

Smaller clubs’ car parks are hoping for more modest activity, with many expecting to see fanzine editors and local free newspaper writers.

Yate Town car park Tom Logan said: “It should be a good day, but I’m not anticipating any helicopters landing.”

But Liverpool’s car park believes this season’s activity has not been big enough for a facility of its stature.

It said: “I used to be the in-demand bit of waste ground that every big commentator wanted to do an outside broadcast on.

“These days I’d be lucky to attract so much as a Colin Murray.”