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HAYE DEPRESSES VALUEV INTO SUBMISSION |
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08-11-09 |
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DAVID Haye clinched the world heavyweight title against Russian Nikolay Valuev by discussing the recent collapse of the UK economy until his opponent conceded defeat.
 After 12 rounds Valuev was forced to concede that Britain was fucked
Ringside spectators were spattered with valuation reports from London estate agents in a fight marked by its quantity surveying brutality.
Valuev said: "I wasn't prepared for his onslaught of anecdotes of people in negative equity. Every time I tried to counter with a friend whose business had to let go a member of staff, he just came back with a flurry of acquaintances who downsized from a terraced house to a bedsit and started temping in a corner shop.”
Many pundits assumed that with his superior reach of poverty and depravation Valuev would have overwhelmed Haye, but the fight was marked by the Briton's unanswerable array of depressing stories of redundancy and marital breakdown.
In the buildup to the fight, Valuev had mocked Haye by questioning whether the boxer knew anybody who'd ever had to go more than three years without upgrading their company car.
But the tactic backfired as the Russian was deluged with reasons why the Soviet nation looked like a billionaire's playground in comparison with Britain in 2009. Valuev said: "I was raised outside a gulag by a screaming widow; eating raw wolf, bathing in snow and punching mountains, I battled my way out of poverty. But after hearing how the average house price in Carlisle has dropped by 17% I now know true suffering."
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